


On Ice

by LittleLoops



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-27
Updated: 2013-12-05
Packaged: 2017-12-27 19:02:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 22,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/982484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleLoops/pseuds/LittleLoops
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sebastian takes an impulsive trip to Finland.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Cold. So cold. That was pretty much all Seb could muster as far as coherent thoughts went. This was starting to feel like a bad idea.  
  
"Cold feet," he said, smiling to himself as he rubbed his hands together in front of his face and stamped his feet. Finland, he decided, was a stupid place to live in December.  
  
He, OK, _Siri_ , had found the Keuruun Jäähalli without much difficulty. In hindsight, he probably could have landed somewhere closer than Helsinki, but this was a spur of the moment thing and it was the first flight his laptop had conjured. So far his brilliant idea had found him freezing his balls off outside a large metal shed hoping no one noticed Mr Renault-powered three-time-world-champion-Infiniti-ambassador standing next to a hastily-hired Volvo.  
  
He'd parked away from the main cluster of cars in the car park, but he still had a clear view of the main doors. Groups of people, covered head to toe with thick garments, were navigating the icy ground with aplomb and heading inside. He watched them as he toyed with the notion of heading back to the airport, but as he hesitated, soft flakes began landing on his face. He'd survived three hours of crazy Finns on Route 58 in the dark to get here. He didn't fancy immediately driving three hours back. In the dark. With added snow. Besides, he'd never run away from anything in his life and he wasn't going to start now. Not in Finland. Kimi would never let him hear the end of it.  
  
"Fuck it," he muttered, taking a confident stride. He promptly skidded, waving his arms wildly, rapidly leaning forward and back in a bid to keep upright. He came to an ungraceful stop under a lamp post, still standing, but flapping his arms like a failed fledgling. Behind him he heard the giggle of a small child. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw her bobble hat jiggling with her shoulders as she laughed and pointed at the funny man. He smiled back, trying to 'casually' hold onto the post.  
  
Yeah, this was a bad idea alright.  
  
~ | - - | - - | ~  
  
  
The thing about being 'handled' all the time is you forget how the little things work. Like cash. It was only as he stood outside the doors - feeling incredibly proud of himself for besting a path no longer than the Monaco pit lane - that he realised he didn't have any money. He had his trusty credit card, but no actual cash. _Well done Seb_ , he thought to himself. Turning up penniless to a charity match. _Brilliant_.  
  
'Of course they'll take cards,' he reasoned. They take cards everywhere. How else did Kimi clear his bar tabs?  
  
 _BUZZ!_  
  
Even he knew that sound. He took a deep breath. No more procrastination. He'd put this off for far too long. Pulling his beanie further down and his scarf up to his nose, he went through the doors, incognito-mode engaged, and grinned at the MasterCard logo on the front desk.  
  
~ | - - | - - | ~  
  
  


The rink was encircled with white bench-seating, dotted with groups of colourfully bubble-wrapped people. The braver ones had removed their hats to reveal typically Finnish blonde hair. The laughing girl had not. He recognised her bouncing along the other side of the arena, her bobble skipping along just visible above the top of boards. He smiled as he watched her through the plexiglass as he took a seat.  
  
The arena wasn't full by any means, but it was a good turnout considering, he thought, looking around. Probably mostly friends and family come to support their man. He took another deep breath.  
  
 _Their man_.  
  
The words echoed around his head.  
  
 _BUZZ!_  
  
Seb bit his lip and leaned forward scanning the perimeter of the ice to see where they'd come from. Suddenly, from almost under his position, a volley of players erupted onto the ice. A whirlwind of red and gold swept around the rink as Seb frantically searched the fray for a very familiar face.  
  
Bloody hell, he thought, they all look the same!  
His eyes flicked between players as they swirled around waving at the cheering crowd, their body armour giving them near identical forms. Seb joined the clapping and stamping of feet as more players, this time in blue, gushed onto the ice. The energy in the room was infectious. He couldn't help but grin, even as an unwelcome thought formed in his mind.  
  
 _He isn't here. He didn't come after all._  
  
The stamping of feet shook the ground, and as the tannoy began bleating names and titbits of information he barely understood, his smile began to falter. His eyes drifted to the ground and his mind numbed him from the noise.  
  
 _He isn't here._  
  
He pressed his lips together, and stared at the floor, taking a moment to fully appreciate how bad an idea this had become, when an invisible hand seemingly reached out and yanked his head up. A painfully-familiar figure glided to a stop with a graceful arc right in front of him, his blue-clad back to Seb. He read the lettering running across the deliciously broad shoulders.  
  
22\. Huovinen.  
  
His man. _Fuck_.  
  
~ | - - | - - | ~  
  
  


Oh. My. God.  
Seb gaped at the figure mere feet away. He was nearly overwhelmed by the desire to run back to the Volvo and flee before Heikki saw him.  
  
"What was I thinking?!" he murmured. A front row seat suddenly seemed like a stupid idea, compounding the absurdity of being here at all. He glanced around nervously, noticing the rows behind were partially occupied, but not the ones at the very back.  
  
Number 22 kept his eyes on the ice. He didn't turn around to see his friend trying to subtly slide along the bench towards the stairs. As soon as he skated off, Seb turned and bolted up the steps. It only gave him a few more feet of separation, but at least now he had cover.  
  
To his credit, Seb did realise how silly this was, flying all the way here, driving for three hours and then hiding from the person he came to see. He put it down to the way they'd parted before he left for Istanbul and the FIA gala. Things had been ... Well, things had been weird for a while. They kept having these ... moments. Their eyes would lock and parts of him would tingle that really shouldn't. After a shaky start - he hadn't immediately taken to 'not Tommi' as he'd called him - number 22 had grown on him. It crept up on Seb. The extent of the need. He'd realised it wasn't exactly normal when he found himself watching him sleep on the Red Bull plane. Just sleeping. Heikki looked so peaceful, so angelic. He'd actually started to reach out his fingers to touch his cheek, but had stopped himself.  
  
If only he'd stopped himself last week, he thought. He wouldn't be hiding in a freezing ice rink, ducking behind a couple in matching puffa jackets every time #22 sailed past. His cold fingers tingled as they remembered touching Heikki's warm face. His thumb dragging along Heikki's bottom lip. Heikki's hand on his, holding, but not moving it away, questioning blue eyes watching him intently.  
  
The sharp whistle dragged him back to the present. He wrapped his arms across his chest in a bid to warm up. The crowd were back on their feet as the majority of players left the ice. The remainder circled around the centre, before forming red and blue pairs in their starting position. Seb watched as 'his man' took centre stage, leaning forward menacingly as the black and white striped referee held the puck over their sticks.  
  
Here we go, thought Seb. Face off.


	2. Chapter 2

_Switzerland_ _. One week earlier._  
  
Seb heard the door close behind him, but Heikki didn't walk any further into the room. He just stood with one hand resting on the handle, his face as neutral as always.  
  
"Are you coming in?" Seb asked, a little defensively, but Heikki didn't move. He wasn't really sure what had just happened. Neither of them were. They'd been discussing his upper body strength. Just normal training stuff. Heikki had been standing so close, with Sebastian's arms in a horizontal T, lightly supported by two of Heikki's fingers under each wrist. Heikki's eyes roamed over Seb's shirtless chest as he dispassionately reviewed their progress. Seb's torso was by no means comparable to Heikki's full-on muscle display, but he wasn't the scrawny kid he used to be.  
  
Heikki had stopped talking, but not looking. He kept his gaze constant and Sebastian, arms still raised, was too aware of how much he liked it. Heikki licked his lips. Such a subtle gesture, but it was enough. Seb lifted his right hand and ran his fingers across Heikki's cheek. He'd started leaving a layer of stubble ('Jenson stubble' Seb had called it) and Seb liked it. He liked the rough feel under his finger tips as they ran along Heikki's jawbone. Heikki didn't look so dispassionate now. His face remained impassive, but his beautiful ice-blue eyes were watching Seb intently, ever so slightly unsure. Seb curled his fingers under Heikki's chin, lifting his head slightly, and ran a thumb gently across his bottom lip, pausing at the middle as Heikki cupped a hand over Seb's. He didn't move Seb's hand. In fact he barely applied any pressure at all. He just rested it there as they looked at each other. Now it was Seb's turn to wet his lips. He watched Heikki's eyes follow his tongue as it glided around his mouth and Seb was sure he sensed a longing, the same nagging curiosity he felt whenever Heikki was this close. Seb slowly pushed his thumb into Heikki's mouth, gently parting his lips, as they continued to stare at each other. Heikki tentatively brushed the tip of his tongue over the thumb and then ... he sucked. Seb inhaled sharply. He could feel himself getting hard as he began to softly push and pull his thumb in and out of Heikki's mouth. Heikki closed his eyes, dropping Seb's other arm to free a hand, which reached around to grab Seb's ass and pull him closer. Seb did likewise with his left hand, slowly grinding their hips together as Heikki continued to suck attentively. Seb needed more. A lot more. Heikki moaned as Seb removed his thumb, slipping his hand away from under Heikki's. He grabbed a handful of hair and pulled Heikki down to him, pushing his impatient tongue between Heikki's lips. Heikki moaned loudly and swirled his own tongue around Sebastian's mouth, sucking Seb's tongue hard, before grabbing Seb's hand out of his hair and pulling away.  
  
They stood inches apart, both breathing heavily and watching the other. Heikki ran a hand over this mouth and the back of his neck as he turned away. He took a deep breath.  
  
"You can put your shirt back on," he said with forced calm. "I think we're done."  
  
Seb folded his arms across his bare chest, suddenly cold. He stared at Heikki's back feeling a flash of anger. Grabbing his t-shirt from the stool, he brushed past Heikki, and left the gym.  
  
  
Seb didn't hear him until he'd closed the kitchen door. Now Heikki was just standing there, watching him, but not coming any closer.  
  
"What time is your flight?"  
  
Finally, Heikki broke the silence. One of them had to and Seb was begrudgingly grateful that Heikki had. They both knew Heikki was perfectly aware what time his flight was, but it was something normal to say and Seb was happy to play along while his brain wrestled with the mild panic pin-balling around inside it.  
  
"Not too early," he replied, turning to give Heikki a small smile, which faded when he saw his face. Heikki didn't look cross as such, more wary. He'd folded his arms and was leaning against the door.  
  
"I meant to tell you," he said, shifting his weight a little. "I won't be here when you get back."  
  
"What?!" Seb stammered.  
  
 _Back up the truck. How much did I just screw this up?_  
  
"Because of..." Seb vaguely gestured in the direction of the gym. He didn't really have a word for what just happened. Or more accurately, he didn't want to try label it just yet - though 'mistake' was starting to look good.  
  
"No, not because of..." Heikki used the same body language to say _'whatever the fuck that was_ '. "I've been invited to a thing. Back home."  
  
"Finland" they said together, both nodding in an uneasy duet.  
  
"The charity thing," Seb murmured. He vaguely remembered Heikki telling him about it, but his strong hands had been massaging his shoulders at the time. Seb rarely heard anything when Heikki was doing his thing.  
  
"Yeah," he paused, "The charity thing. I was going to miss it but," he shrugged, "It might be good. For both of us."  
  
Seb found himself nodding, though he didn't really mean to. Maybe he's right, he thought. Maybe it was just proximity.  
  
"Then if I'm there already..." Heikki's voice trailed off.  
  
"You might as well stay until after Christmas," Seb added, surprised by the flatness in his own voice.  
  
They stood in silence for a few moments - Seb staring at the floor, Heikki staring at Seb.  
  
"I should finish packing," Seb blurted, finally looking up. Heikki appeared to be chewing his tongue. He stood back up straight and nodded firmly. Resolute. He opened the door.  
  
"Yes, packing," Seb said and with a burst of movement he rushed past Heikki and up the stairs.  
  
"Seb!" Heikki called after him. "Wait!"  
  
Seb paused, glancing down at Heikki's perfect face. His eyes were full of concern.  
  
"Hyvää Uutta Vuotta," he said softly, almost in a whisper, and offered a tentative smile. Seb just gave the smallest of nods and continued upwards to the sanctuary of his bedroom.  
  
It was another twenty minutes before Heikki stopped waiting for him to come back down and finally left.  
  
"Happy New Year," Seb mumbled miserably as he watched Heikki head home across the gravel.  
  
~ | - - | - - | ~  
  
  
The first rule of watching hockey is 'never take your eyes off the puck'. It gets hooked up and flies around at alarming speeds, crashing into the boards with a loud smack. If you're unlucky, it sails over the plexiglass and aims for your head. More than once, as he tried to follow the action, Seb wished he'd brought his crash helmet.  
  
He had never really watched hockey, at least never without a Finn next to him to point and groan at appropriate moments. It's a fast-moving game, even to some one accustomed to high speeds. Watching the reactions of the players, Seb began to appreciate where Heikki acquired his excellent hand-eye coordination.  
  
 _Heikki_.  
  
Sod watching the puck. Seb couldn't take his eyes off number 22. He was a perfect combination of grace and unforgiving force, one second gliding around majestically and the next brutally slamming another player against the boards as they wrestled over the puck.  
  
Seb couldn't help but fantasise about Heikki lifting him clean off his feet and slamming _his_ back against the plexiglass, eyes filled with lust, solely-focussed on his mouth. Intentions perfectly clear. His face moving in closer and closer. No hesitation. No nagging doubts. His breath on Seb's face as he closed his eyes...  
  
 _"Varo! Varo!"_  
  
Seb crashed back to reality as the puffa jackets in front dived for cover. He moved instinctively, just in time to hear the puck smack against the seat back and drop to the floor where his feet had been moments before. The couple in front laughed and exchanged relieved smiles with Seb as he picked up the puck. Without thinking, he stood up and threw it gently back onto the ice. The crowd cheered its prompt return, and everyone's attention returned to the referee.  
  
Almost everyone's.  
  
Seb realised one player was still looking in his direction. Heikki.  
  
 _Fuck_.  
  
Seb hurriedly sat down, trying to casually block Heikki's view. Heikki had been returning to the bench when he'd paused. Something about that spectator was a bit too familiar. He stood at the edge of the rink, watching the guy in the grey beanie suspiciously before the impatient glare of the linesman made his nearest teammate yank him off the ice.  
  
~ | - - | - - | ~  
  
  
By pure luck, the angle from the players' bench to his seat made it difficult for Heikki to get a good look, but Seb could see his helmet turning every time play stopped. And it was stopping a lot. The game was getting pretty scrappy and it was a relief when the buzzer sounded for the end of the first period.  
  
Seeing Heikki pulled into a team huddle, Seb took his chance as the couple in front stood up and moved towards the steps. Keeping one eye on the bench, Seb headed for the bar with the rest of the crowd, ducking around the corner just as he glimpsed Heikki looking up and scanning the seats.  
  
He lingered at the corner for a few minutes, before feeling ridiculous for hiding. From his own trainer. Who he'd flown here to see. He could picture Kimi's face if he could see him now. It would look as indifferent as always, but they would both know he was mocking Seb. On the inside. And Seb would know he deserved it.  
  
"Right. No more hiding," he said to himself, taking a deep breath - before finding a different seat, in a different stand, at the back, where Heikki wouldn't be able to see him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seem to have lost the art of pacing a story (such as I ever had it), so this is a bit uneven, but I'm sick of re-reading it, so here it is. :)  
> Thanks for reading.


	3. Chapter 3

The second rule of watching hockey is 'never distract a player'. While Seb had successfully hidden for the whole of the second period, the fact Heikki didn't spot him wasn't for a lack of looking. It appeared Heikki had realised - maybe a teammate had mentioned it - but as the final period began, he made one long scan of the crowd, and never looked up again.  
  
For Seb, it was oddly liberating, freeing him to watch Heikki play, watch him move across the ice. And boy, did he move. The blues were losing, 3 - 2, though if he was honest, even after 90 minutes, Seb still didn't actually know who the blue team were. They were just 'Team Heikki' to him, and his Heikki was tearing down the edge of the ice, puck in his control. Seb watched, holding his breath, as Heikki raised his stick, telegraphing a strike, when a red bulk body-slammed him hard into the boards. Seb winced. The crowd groaned. Seb felt a surge of protective anger, as he watched Heikki push the red guy away from him, shaking his head as he leant to pick up his stick. The players reformed their pairs as play restarted, Heikki shoving and sliding with his blue marker in the middle of the ice. The whistle blew; the puck dropped and a teammate hooked their prize from under his opponent, flicking it to Heikki. He caught it on the end of his stick, reach fully-extended, before spinning it and himself around, and firing it mercilessly at the goal. The screaming crowd held a collective breath as it darted past the net-minder's glove and lifted the back of the net. The goal light flashed on, Heikki disappeared under a scrum of blue shirts and Seb was on his feet, clapping so hard his cold hands hurt.  
  
"That," he shouted, pointing at the goal, "is what I'm talking about!"

From the centre of the celebrations, Seb saw Heikki look up sharply. Directly at Seb. Their eyes locked.  
  
 _Fuck_.  
  
For a moment, Seb couldn't hear the crowd. The banging of feet became nothing but a distant rumble. All his senses were overloaded by the laser-like contact with Heikki's blue eyes. Oh yeah, he saw him alright. _No more hiding now_.  
  
A teammate pulled at Heikki's shirt, breaking the spell. He gave Seb a barely perceptible smile, and let himself be pulled to the bench, his eyes lingering on Seb all the way.  
  
~ | - - | - - | ~  
  
  
The atmosphere in the arena was electric. Barely six minutes remained on the clock and the teams were now level. Seb understood the excitement in the crowd, the need to win, but it wasn't the source of the thrill humming through his veins. Heikki had seen him. His own fear, desire and the anticipation in the room were a heady mix, making his pulse race like it did before qualifying. Seb stopped watching the game, his gaze fixed on the back of Heikki's helmet, willing him to turn around again, but he didn't. He threw an occasional sideways glance at the digital clock above the scoreboard, but otherwise kept his eyes on the action, banging his stick against the boards in support of his boys in play.  
  
Another whistle. Another rush of player swaps and Heikki was back on the ice. Two minutes to go. Seb was on his feet, shouting encouragement at the top of his voice. What the hell - he knew he was there now - might as well show his support. The puck skidded down the rink, chased by a flurry of players. The ensuing mass of sticks and showers of shaved ice made it impossible to see until it flicked up sharply. It flew so quickly, even Seb didn't see where it went. He just saw Heikki's head snap back and his body smack the ground as his feet slide out from under him.  
  
Silence. Seb wasn't sure if the crowd had stopped shouting or if he just couldn't hear them anymore. Eyes wide, he climbed onto his seat, but he still couldn't see through the mass of shirts. A man with a leather bag skated across the ice, and as the huddle parted to make way for him, Seb could see Heikki on the ground. He wasn't moving.  
  
 _Get up. Get up._  
  
A murmur of concern rippled around the hall. Every instinct in Seb made him want to bound down the stairs and skid his way to his friend, but years of motorsport had taught him to never get in the way of the medics. He was left to watch, helplessly, as the doctor worked, kneeling on the ice. A blue shirt broke away from the group, heading to the bench to be immediately surrounded as he relayed details to his teammates. Then, as the doctor leaned back slightly, Heikki slowly sat up. The doctor was still talking to him, a concerned hand on his chest, but Seb could see Heikki nodding his head.  
  
Seb felt a wave of relief wash over him, and dropped his head into his hands. _Fuck_. He pushed his beanie onto the floor as he ran his hands through his hair, his shoulders gradually relaxing. As Heikki was helped to his feet, Seb released the breath he hadn't even realised he was holding.  
  
The crowd rewarded Heikki's standing with a loud cheer and a hearty round of applause. He tried to wave an acknowledge, but his unsteadiness made him grab his teammate's arm instead. As they brought him to the edge of the ice, Seb could see the red welt on Heikki's cheek. He grimaced. It looked painful. Heikki made to sit on the bench, but the doctor shook his head. As he was led out of the arena, Heikki dazedly looked up and half-smiled when he saw Seb. It as difficult to tell, with the helmet and the distance, but he looked woozy. Heikki half-raised his hand, mimicking Seb's own 'stay there' signal he used when surrounded by journalists, and disappeared from view.  
  
~ | - - | - - | ~  
  
  
An hour later, Seb was still sitting on the benches where Heikki had told him to stay. The crowd was long gone, and the only people left were the few volunteers wandering around collecting plastic cups into black refuse bags. Even the zamboni had stopped circling the ice, and the main lights above the rink had been switched off.  
  
Seb looked up when he heard footsteps. Heikki and another man appeared behind the players bench carrying their jackets, and started looking up at the empty seating. Seb wasn't difficult to spot. Heikki smiled, tilting his head to one side and giving Seb a look that unmistakably asked, 'what are you doing here?'  
  
Seb picked his way through the seating, climbing over benches, and arrived in front of Heikki sporting a sheepish grin. Heikki paused a moment to assess him, still wearing the same soft smile, before turning to his friend and exchanging a few words. The friend looked unconvinced, but nodded. He threw a meaningful look at Seb.  
  
"You look after him," he said pointedly in Finnish as he turned to leave.  
  
"You understood that?" Heikki asked. Seb nodded, his eyes drawn to the red mark on Heikki's jaw. He absent-mindedly reached out his fingers before a flashback of the week before made him pull back and curl them into his coat pocket. Heikki arched an eyebrow, but his eyes still smiled, though now Seb looked closely, they seemed a little off, like he wasn't quite focussing properly. Seb vaguely wondered how strong the painkillers he'd taken were.  
  
"Sorry you lost," Seb said, acknowledging the deciding goal scored after Heikki's departure. Heikki shrugged.  
  
"Shouldn't have left them alone, but..." He pointed at his cheek with a brief wave.  
  
They found themselves standing in an uneasy silence until a voice shouted at them from across the rink. Heikki nodded at the man.  
  
"We should go," he said, as the remaining lights began shutting off.  He wrapped an arm around Seb’s shoulders. "Take me home, Sebastian."


	4. Chapter 4

_Istanbul_ _. Earlier that morning._  
  
The first class lounge at Atarurk Airport is a little surreal, even without a hangover. It's based on a series of interlocking domes with bookshelves and sofas and is all a bit sixties. Seb was in his own private 'hamster ball', watching fake whales swim past on the huge fake LCD aquarium, feeling like a second-rate Bond villain in his secret lair, when his phone buzzed on the coffee table in front of him. He looked at the screen without bothering to pick it up. He knew who it was. Kimi. The last thing he needed right now was for Kimi to find him here. Best case scenario - Kimi would use his Jedi mind tricks to persuade him not to go. Worst case - Kimi would decide to come with him.  
  
"I like hockey," Seb could picture him saying flatly, and shuddered at the thought. It was Kimi's fault he was here at all, waiting for a Turkish Airlines flight to Helsinki, instead of flying back to Zurich as they'd planned.  
  
After the speeches and the photographs, the FIA gala had descended into the usual 'mingling and polite conversation'. Not his forte. He'd been smiling politely and checking the exits when a hand grabbed him from behind.  
  
"Drink," was all Kimi had said.  
  
Seb didn't really remember much after the fourth round, and had a niggling concern that he'd told Kimi a little too much about 'his week'. What he did remember was Kimi letting him talk, and Seb talking himself in circles about 'what a three-time world champion really wants.' What he really wanted, as he begrudgingly admitted to his blurry reflection in the mirror that morning, was in Finland. _Bloody Finns._  
  
He'd fired up the laptop, booked the flight and cryptically texted a few people (Britta, Christian, Kimi) so they wouldn't worry. He'd left the hotel without saying goodbye to any of them.  
  
His phone buzzed again. _Fuck it._ Seb switched it off, closed his eyes and laid back on the seat, hoping his head would stop pounding somewhere above the continent.  
  
~ | - - | - - | ~  
  
  
"There." Heikki pointed to an impossibly-small gap in the pine trees. After leaving Heikki's car at the rink, Seb had blindly followed his directions for the last half an hour, steering the Volvo through increasingly thick snow. Seb looked at the 'road' he'd been told to take, and for the first time in his life, wished he wasn't driving.  
  
He glanced over at his co-driver. "There," Heikki repeated, waving his finger for effect. With an involuntary shake of his head, Seb turned the wheel and pulled the car off the main road. To his surprise, the driveway under the snow was pretty smooth. Heikki flashed a knowing smile, and closed his eyes again.  
  
"You OK?" Seb asked nervously. Heikki nodded, but didn't open his eyes.  
  
The driveway opened out into a clearing in front of a welcoming single-storey house. Heikki, eyes still closed, pulled out a set of keys and clicked the garage door opener.  
  
~ | - - | - - | ~  
  
  
One of the things Seb really liked about Heikki _\- really, really liked_ \- was his size. He loved the strength it conveyed, the self-confidence it gave him. He liked it ... right up to the point he had to near-carry Heikki across the snowy drive to the house. They made it successfully, if a little unsteadily, to the front door, where Seb unceremoniously propped Heikki against the wall and fumbled with the keys.  
  
As he dragged Heikki through the door, he smiled as the lights automagically brightened to a soft glow and the gas-fired hearth ignited.  
  
"Nice!" he grinned.  
  
"Not mine," mumbled Heikki, finally taking his own weight. "My friend Petti's," he added. "In Montreal."  
  
"Doing what?" Seb asked, slowly following Heikki - arms outstretched ready to catch - as he headed for the sofa by the fire.  
  
"Let's just say," he paused as he lowered himself into the seat, "that he's a lot better than I was tonight."  
  
Seb stood watching him as his head sank back into the cushions. He had no idea what to do now. It was usually Heikki standing here, waiting for a hint of an instruction.  
  
"Kahvi," Heikki murmured.  
  
  
Seb returned a noisy ten minutes later with two mugs of black stuff and no hope he'd made Finnish coffee correctly. It didn't matter. Heikki was out cold. He put the cups down quietly and went in search of a blanket.  
  
~ | - - | - - | ~  
  
  
It was the cold draft on his face that woke him. Seb instinctively pulled the blanket closer to his face, before opening one confused eye to see his hand clutching the cover he'd wrapped over Heikki a few hours earlier. Behind him he heard a door softly slide closed. The footsteps that followed were muffled and heading away.  
  
Seb opened both eyes. Though it was still pretty dark, the room had an eerie green glow, pulsing in brightness. He sat up and looked over his shoulder. It was no longer snowing. Through the picture window behind him he could see a brooding lake and a smear of snow-capped mountains anchoring a dancing green sky. Jutting out into the lake was a short pier, and at the end of it, silhouetted against the reflections of the aurora, stood Heikki, hands in his pockets, watching the display.  
  
Seb pulled off the blanket and made for the back door, grabbing his jacket. As he followed Heikki's footsteps down the snow-carpeted path, he saw Heikki turn, hands still in his pockets, and smile at him.  
  
When Seb reached the end of the pier, they stood side by side watching the sky in a comfortable silence. Heikki glanced across to see Seb wearing the joyful grin of a child watching fireworks for the first time; his eyes glinting as they flitted with the ribbons across the heavens. Heikki leaned over.  
  
"It's moments like this," he whispered, "that make me realise how much I miss home." Seb's smile faltered. He took a deep breath, letting his eyes drop to the pier. He could still see flickers of green in the ice skirting the water's edge. He knew Heikki missed this. Switzerland had mountains but it wasn't the same, even when they were there, which was becoming rarer each season.  
  
Heikki lifted Seb's chin with a long finger, turning his head to face him. "And this," he growled, stroking Seb's cheek with his other hand, "is why I don't come back." Slipping his hand around Seb's neck, Heikki drew him in, achingly slowly, giving Seb all the time in the world to pull away, before brushing his lips with a tentative kiss. Seb opened his mouth eagerly, unashamedly pushing himself forward into the embrace. Heikki hesitantly eased his tongue between Seb's teeth, his breath catching as Seb hungrily sucked it into his mouth, threading his arms tightly around Heikki's back.  
  
 _God. Heikki. Heikki. Heikki._  
  
Seb could feel himself floating, overwhelmed by the rising tide of desire searing its way through his body. Despite the chill, warmth flooded into every cell as his heartbeat throbbed with his relentless hunger.  
  
 _Heikki. Heikki. Heikki._  
  
Heikki pulled him closer, his trembling lips smothering Seb with long, lingering kisses as their tongues eagerly explored. Cold hands roamed through cold hair, impatiently seeking skin through layers of winter clothing, oblivious to the light show pulsating above, until it just wasn't enough. Heikki pulled away, dragging a disappointed whimper from Seb's throat which made them both blush.  
  
Heikki took a reluctant step back, watching Seb through the darkness as they both tried to steady their breathing. His heavy-lidded eyes drifted from Seb, across to the muted landscape behind, his chest still visibly rising with each breath. A brief sentimental flicker played across Heikki's face as he pressed his lips together, closing his eyes. He inhaled the crisp night air deeply, and rolled his shoulders back, slowly lifting his eyelids as Seb waited apprehensively in the heavy silence.  
  
With a resigned sigh, Heikki held out a hand for Seb and looked back up the path towards the shining windows of the house.


	5. Chapter 5

The fire was still burning gently, providing a soft orange counterpoint to the green glow still bathing the room. As he slid the back door closed, Seb caught a glimpse of his reflection in the window. Whether from the night air or Heikki's touch he wasn't sure, but his cheeks were flushed and his eyes glistening. He heard Heikki retake his seat by the fire with a small sigh. When Seb turned, he saw him gingerly probing the welt on his jaw, wincing.  
  
"Still hurts?" Seb asked, lingering by the door.  
  
Heikki nodded, lightly rubbing his face and carefully opening his mouth, stopping suddenly when the pain reached his eyes, blinking hard.  
  
"It's funny," he said, smiling ruefully. "It didn't hurt at all when we were - ." He stopped short, his cheeks flooding with colour. He swallowed. "When, er, when we were outside." He threw a pointed finger over his shoulder as though Seb might have forgotten. Seb couldn't help but follow his directions, his stomach fluttering as his eyes fell onto the pier where they had just kissed. The aurora was fading now, still lighting the landscape but less frequently and much less vibrant. The darkness was reclaiming the night, making the lights seem like a dream.  
  
He turned back to see Heikki watching him calmly. He looked so tired.  
  
"Let me take you to bed," Seb said matter-of-factly, stripping off his coat. He stopped abruptly when he saw Heikki's eyes widen, staring pointedly at him. "What? You look exh- ... Oh." Seb blushed furiously. "No!" he stammered, trying to take a step back, but bumping into the door. "That's not what I meant! I don't want to ... Well, I do. I think. But..." The words tumbled from him as his eyes darted around the room, looking anywhere but at Heikki until there was nowhere else to look. Heikki's face softened, an amused look in his gaze.  
  
"You could _help_ me to bed, Sebastian," he offered.  
  
"Help. Yes! Help." Seb grabbed the word like a life raft. "That's what I meant," he added, feeling his cheeks burning. Heikki nodded gracefully, still wearing a subtle smirk. _Bloody Finns._  
  
They paused for a moment, sizing each other up, coming to an accord without uttering a single word. Seb wasn't sure if he was disappointed or relieved, but Heikki did look exhausted and more than anything, at that moment, Seb just wanted to take care of him.  
  
"I suppose it is my turn," he said as he walked across and leant down to offer Heikki his shoulder for support, "to look after you." He pulled him to his feet and their eyes met. "Of course, really it should be you taking me to bed," he continued mischievously. Heikki gave him a 'look'. Seb shrugged innocently. "I don't know where it is."  
  
Heikki glanced down at the blanket Seb had retrieved earlier, arching an eyebrow. Seb tried to maintain an innocent face, but his red cheeks betrayed him again.  
  
~ | - - | - - | ~  
  
  
Seb blinked slowly, trying to focus on the blurry green light in front of his face. "Mmmm polarlicht," he mumbled blissfully, before reality began chipping away at his sleepy brain. He forced his eyes to look again.  
  
The clock read 9.03. _Fuck_. He bolted upright. Heikki would kill him if he found out he'd missed his run. Heikki would -  
  
"What time is it?" a husky voice asked as the body next to him rolled over. Heikki. _Fuck_. He looked gorgeous. _Fuck_.  
  
Seb stared at the Finn, slowly raking his eyes over his tousled hair, the sleepy, angelic face, the strong, thick neck, his bare chest with the hint of hair wreathing his nipples and running down his chest. All the way down to -

"Sebastian."  
  
His head snapped back to the blue eyes watching him in the dim light. Seb licked his lips, seeing Heikki's eyes flare as he did so. He couldn't help it. His treacherous eyes drifted back to Heikki's chest and his mouth went dry. Mesmerised by the rise and fall of Heikki's pecs, he became hyper-aware of his own ragged breathing and the spark of desire kindling deep inside him. His fingers twitched as they tingled with the memory of Heikki's skin.  
  
Heikki slowly lifted the sheet up to his neck, dragging Seb's lingering gaze with it until their eyes met again.  
  
"Sebastian," he repeated more firmly. "Time?"  
  
"Time," Seb murmured, staring at the flimsy folds of the sheet hiding Heikki's body. "Yes." Barely a whisper now. "It's about time."  
  
He reached out a trembling hand and clutched the soft fabric. Heikki caught his arm gently, his darkening eyes full of questions. Seb pulled the sheet away in one long motion - Heikki's stationary hand running along Seb's forearm as his deliciously toned chest was slowly revealed.  
  
"So beautiful," Seb murmured, lightly running a finger through the hairs surrounding one of Heikki's nipples, smiling as it wrinkled under his touch. He edged over onto his knees, and with a searing look into Heikki's wide eyes, he latched his mouth onto the nipple, sucking and nipping as Heikki gasped. With a long lick across Heikki's chest, he nibbled the other, feeling them getting harder by the second.  
  
"Sebastian."  
  
The hoarse voice echoed around the silent room as strong fingers forcefully grabbed a handful of Seb's hair and pulled his head upwards. Their lips met in a bruising kiss, as Heikki's other hand feverishly clawed at the t-shirt Seb was still wearing. Seb pulled away, yanking the shirt over his head and throwing it across the room. His mouth was back to devouring Heikki's before it touched the floor.  
  
Seb eased himself closer, drawn to the heat radiating from Heikki's exposed flesh. Heikki's hands wrapped around his back, fingers burning where aching tips met aching skin. Seb wrenched his lips away and began licking and nipping his way along Heikki’s jawbone, stopping only when Heikki suddenly flinched in pain. Seb edged back with apologetic eyes.  
  
"Don't stop," Heikki growled, lifting himself up on his elbows to reclaim Seb's mouth.

 

Seb returned the kiss slowly, allowing himself time to feel every tantalising sensation of Heikki's tongue grazing his own, the taste of him, the glorious fleeting sting as Heikki bit his bottom lip. _Heaven_. His finger tips brushed Heikki's beaded nipples extracting a guttural moan that Seb felt deep in his stomach and he couldn't resist anymore. He pulled his mouth away, feeling Heikki's short breaths on his face as he trailed his fingers down his sides, slipping them under the waist band of Heikki's boxers. Heikki raised himself slightly, almost reluctantly, allowing Seb to ease them over his hips, adding another piece of clothing to the floor. Finally, through the weak slivers of golden light permeating the room, Seb permitted himself to look down at Heikki's leaking cock bobbing on his taut stomach.  
  
 _Heikki. Heikki. Heikki._  
  
His mind emptied of every thought he'd ever had, bar one. _Heikki_.  
  
"Sebastian," Heikki whispered as Seb stared greedily at his swollen cock. A request or a warning - Seb didn't care. He ran an exploratory finger gently around the rim, slicking his finger as he swept over the tip. Heikki gasped, dropping his head back but he kept watching Seb intently through heavy-lidded eyes.  
  
Seb wrapped a hand around Heikki's cock, feeling it throbbing like his own, loving the weight of it in his palm, and began slowly pumping - up and down, up and down - watching the muscles twitch in Heikki's face with each deliberate stroke; his lips slowly parting, biting his bottom lip as Seb ran his thumb over the sensitive flesh of the head. Seeing Heikki - his strong, immutable Heikki - slowly coming apart under his touch stirred a deep sense of satisfaction in his soul, but it wasn't enough. He wanted to make Heikki shout out his name, writhing under him - and seeing Heikki's response to such timid stimulation, Seb knew he could.  
  
"Sebastian," Heikki murmured again as though rehearsing for Seb's thought. He lifted his head. Their eyes fixed on each other as Heikki shifted his weight to release a hand. He reached out to touch Seb's aching groin, but Seb lightly batted away his arm, shaking his head, and maintained his relentless rhythm. Heikki let his head fall back with a gentle groan, as Seb manoeuvred himself between Heikki's powerful thighs.  
  
"Sebastian."

Heikki's thick voice was more insistent now, but he didn't move, allowing Seb to draw in a deep breath, savouring Heikki's musky scent as he nuzzled his face into his stomach. He watched his fingers slide over the engorged weeping head, marvelling at the mirror sensations the contact triggered in his own body.  
  
And then, as his fingers skimmed the very tip, he replaced them with his tongue, tracing a hot, wet line around the crown before sliding Heikki's cock into his warm mouth. Heikki tensed, his back arched away from the mattress as he grasped acres of sheet, pulling it lose from the sides of the bed. Seb sucked gently at first, rolling his tongue around as he tried to take Heikki's full length inside. He'd never wanted this before; never even considered wanting this, but he wanted Heikki so much; the pure animalistic need coursed through every part of him. He could feel the tension building inside Heikki as a hand roughly raked through his hair, nails dragging up his neck. Heikki began lifting his hips, rocking himself into Seb's mouth, pushing harder with each thrust, moaning hypnotically, until Seb felt Heikki's rhythm break. His small sounds became a pronounced growl and Heikki's fingers wrapped around Seb's hair, trying to pull his head away, but Seb resisted, not wanting to be denied this moment.  
  
"Sebastian!"  
  
The urgency in his voice only made Seb concentrate harder, working his mouth around Heikki's cock as his breath came in hurried pants. He brushed a finger over Heikki's tightened balls, and like flicking a switch, Heikki convulsed, desperately clutching Seb's head as he came.  
  
"Sebastian!"  
  
Pure exhilaration raged through Seb's body, even as he gagged to swallow the warm liquid slipping down his throat, revelling in Heikki's release until every last tremor subsided. Heikki shuddered as Seb's lips finally, reluctantly, slipped free. He ran both hands over own his head, ruffling his already dishevelled hair, and fixed Seb with an intense stare. He looked gorgeous, and utterly, utterly spent.  
  
Seb sat up, still between Heikki's legs, relishing his triumph. He wiped the corners of his mouth and lazily ran a fingernail along the inside of Heikki's right thigh, eliciting a deep moan that lit up Seb's eyes with pure mischief.  
  
"Did I do it right?" he asked knowingly. Heikki gave a languorous smile and laid back, still breathing unevenly. "Yeah, I think I did it right," Seb said to himself playfully.  He allowed his eyes to try sate themselves with the sight of Heikki's moist skin, slowly accepting there was no way he was done with this man, no matter the consequences.


	6. Chapter 6

Seb pulled his jeans on as quietly as he could, throwing furtive glances at the peaceful Finn snoozing in the bed. Heikki had drifted off almost immediately but Seb had been too wired to sleep. He'd laid beside him for half an hour, just watching Heikki's eyelashes flutter as he dreamed, but he couldn't watch him anymore. Watching would lead to touching, and as much as he wanted to, he knew Heikki needed the rest. Extra-curricular activities aside, he must be pretty sore. It had been a rough game.  
  
Seb slipped his t-shirt over his head, instantly realising it wasn't actually his. He paused, about to take it off, but smiled as he felt Heikki's scent surround him. He pulled the shirt further down and eased opened the bedroom door.  
  
After a few minutes of rummaging, he resigned himself to the fact there was no tea in the house. He poured himself a glass of water and padded over to the window, gazing out at the pier as he slowly sipped. It had snowed again in the night, and their footprints were gone. He smiled to himself and slipped his hand into his jeans pocket, his fingers catching the edge of his dormant phone. He absent-mindedly rolled it over in his fingers as his thoughts lingered on the man in the other room. He finally pulled out the phone and pursed his lips. He wasn't sure he actually wanted to, but he held down the power button anyway, watching it flicker into life.

 

And then buzz. Loudly. And again. And again.

 

Message after message flashed onto the screen. Missed call after missed call. _Fuck_. Seb shoved the phone under a cushion on the sofa, and looked over at the bedroom door, listening intently for any hint that he'd woken Heikki.

 

Nothing.

 

He breathed a sigh of relief and retrieved the now silent phone. It buzzed again. Seb cursed. He swiped through a few messages, scrunching his face at each variation on 'where the fuck are you', until he got to the fresh one that read, 'why are you in Finland?'  
Kimi. _Fuck_.  
  
A wave of mild panic tensed Seb's shoulders. _Fuck_. He really didn't want Kimi telling anyone where he was - and how did he know anyway? _Bloody Finns_.  
  
Seb considered his options. Realising he really only had one, he padded back to the bedroom as quietly as possible to retrieve his trainers. As he crept into the room, Heikki stirred.  
  
"Sebastian?" he murmured. Seb grabbed his shoes and wandered to the bed.  
  
"Go back to sleep," he whispered, kissing him on his hair. He didn't dare risk touching skin, lest he couldn't stop himself. Heikki smiled dreamily and drifted back into his own world. Seb lingered for a few moments, imagining spooning up behind him and stealing kisses as he slept, before dragging his eyes away. He had another Finn to deal with.  
  
~ | - - | - - | ~  
  
  
"Some good roads around Jyväskylä," Kimi drawled. The phone had barely rung once when he'd answered it. Seb stealthy edged the back door shut, and put the phone back to his right ear.  
  
"Fun in the snow too," Kimi continued.  
  
Seb bit his lip as he ambled down the path.  
  
"How the fu-" he began.  
  
"I found your phone," came the answer. Seb could hear the smile in Kimi's voice. Seb swore, cursing himself for being so careless as to leave himself logged into Kimi's laptop. He was always losing his phone, and that app was a lifesaver. Until today.  
  
"Are you visiting Tommi?" Kimi asked dryly. Seb was pretty sure he knew the answer to that one too.  
  
"Yes," Seb replied. Kimi scoffed. "OK, no. I'm just ..." Seb's mind went blank.  
  
"Enjoying the landscape?" Kimi chuckled to himself. _That's one way of putting it._  
  
"Did you find what you wanted?" The question hung in the air as Seb reached the pier. He stared into the lake, following the jagged edges of the ice as it disappeared under his feet.  
  
"Yes." A long pause. "Maybe."  
  
Kimi scoffed again.  
  
"Don't tell anyone I'm here. Please."  
  
The long-suffering sigh at the other end of the line made Seb pull an exasperated face.  
  
"So I should tell Britta I haven't spoken to you? When she calls for the _hundredth_ time."  
  
Seb's stomach dropped. He wasn't ready to share this yet, though he was sure he could bluff it away as just visiting a friend, but he didn't want people lying to Britta for him. She deserved better than that.  
  
"No," he said firmly. "Tell her I'm fine and I just need some me time."  
  
"Me time." The words crawled off Kimi's tongue with an air of disgust. "Me time." He muttered something in Finnish. Seb didn't understand what he'd said, but he could guess. Kimi sighed.  
  
"Seb, do you know what you're doing?" There was a hint of concern in his voice.  
  
"No," he replied flatly, shaking his head as he kicked snow between the planks of wood. Kimi laughed.  
  
"Good boy!" he replied, and ended the call.  
  
Seb stared at the phone for a few seconds, and switched it back off. For a moment he considered throwing it into the lake, but he thought better of it and slipped it back into his pocket.  
  
"Really no idea what I'm doing," he mumbled to himself, taking in the view. It looked so different from last night. Beautiful, but oddly static. He looked back at the house. Not trusting himself to go back without rousing Heikki, he set off down the snowy trail around the side of the lake.  
  
~ | - - | - - | ~  
  
  
Seb lost track of how far he'd walked. His thoughts were a jumble of flashbacks and hypotheticals all interwoven around Heikki's voice calling his name and sending chills down his spine. Sighing, he swiped a dusting of fresh snow off a convenient boulder and planted himself down at the edge of the lake. It was more shaded here. The low sun barely skimmed the top of the pines leaving the surface frozen and the small alcove eerily quiet. So quiet he could hear his stomach rumble.  
  
He hadn't eaten since the match last night, but the thought of going back to the house made his stomach do other things. He realised he was hiding again. _Fuck_.  
  
Seb watched the syrupy motion of water under the ice as he brooded. Finally, he swore at himself and got to his feet. He poked a curious toe onto the ice, testing its strength.  
  
"I really wouldn't."  
  
Seb didn't turn around. The voice made his pulse quicken and his breathing become shallow.  
  
The footsteps got closer and Heikki stopped behind him, just out of reach. Seb heard the rustle of Heikki's arm stretching out, and caught a flash of blue in the corner of his eye. A bottle of water. Seb turned and sheepishly took it, his fingers momentarily brushing against Heikki's hand.  
  
"Maybe another two weeks," Heikki said, pointing at the lake behind Seb with his own bottle. "Then we could play hockey on it." A small smile danced across his face. "Not that I should let you play hockey," he added. They stood facing each other, but not quite looking at each other. Seb fumbled with his bottle and quietly drank.  
  
"So peaceful here," Seb said, closing his eyes to listen to the silence.  
  
Heikki took a step closer. And another step. Seb stopped breathing, his body tensing as every inch of skin quivered in hopeful anticipation of Heikki's touch. The exquisite agony of waiting made him light-headed. He felt Heikki lean in. Felt his breath perturbing the tiny hairs on his neck. So close. So achingly close, but still there was a whisper of air between them. Seb bit his lip and moaned softly as Heikki moved upwards, his lips barely an inch from Seb's throat.  
  
"Why are you here, Sebastian?" Heikki growled, his mouth catching the edges of Seb's ear as he spoke, sending pinpricks of sensation through his body. Seb trembled. The closeness was intoxicating.  
  
"Sebastian?" Heikki repeated, his voice low and firm.  
  
Seb could hear a soft murmur as a breeze caught the branches high in the trees. He felt himself swaying in concert with them. _God_. He had to move.  
  
Something inside him snapped. Discarding the bottle, his hands wrapped themselves around Heikki's face as Seb propelled himself forward, his lips crushing Heikki's, pushing them both back, slipping and stumbling over the icy rocks until Heikki's broad frame smacked against an old pine. The tree shuddered, shaking soft snow down into their hair. Finally Seb had purchase, pushing himself against Heikki's chest, blood throbbing in his ears, grinding their hips together as Heikki's arms closed around him. Heikki's hands trailed along Seb's arms until they reached the fingers urgently grasping Heikki's chin. In one fluid moment, the Finn spun Seb around - his back now against the narrow trunk - and captured his wrists behind it. Using his full weight, Heikki pressed Seb into the tree, grazing their hands on the chilled bark as Seb instinctively struggled to get free.  
  
Seb gulped for air, kicking at Heikki's shins. His feet slipped, but Heikki held him firm, their faces close enough for stubble to scratch cold skin. Seb stilled, swallowing hard, realising he wasn't going to free himself, and worse - he didn't even want to.  
  
"I need you to answer my question." Heikki's voice was strained, his breathing uneven. Seb glared defiantly into Heikki's earnest blue eyes, twisting his wrists a little and making Heikki automatically tighten his grip, pulling himself closer. Seb dropped his head back against the tree and looked up at the branches. The pine mingled with Heikki's scent, and it was making him swoon. Maybe it was low blood sugar. _God_. He was normally so clear-headed.  
  
Heikki's breathing stabilised. He shook his head silently, releasing Seb's hands and made for a step back. Seb couldn't bare the empty feeling of Heikki's weight peeling away from him. He grabbed Heikki's wrists and pulled them back around him, holding their hands together behind the trunk.  
  
"For you," he murmured, uncertainty in his voice. Heikki tilted his head. His confused eyes boring into Seb's own. "The answer," more conviction now," ... is _you_." Seb raised himself to claim Heikki's swollen lips causing another gentle cascade of snowflakes.

As he felt Heikki surrender, Seb loosened his grip and utterly lost himself as his world collapsed to nothing but the square yard around the old pine.


	7. Chapter 7

Seb's feet barely touched the ground as Heikki dragged them both back down the track. After wrenching their lips apart for the hundredth time, Heikki had finally resisted Seb's attempts to pull them back together again. He strided purposefully away, yanking Seb behind him like a naughty child. Heikki only looked back when Seb stumbled on a hidden tree root. He'd steadied him back on his feet, but studiously avoided his eyes.  
  
Fresh snow was falling and it was starting to get dark. In the half-light, the lake took on a menacing feel as the ice bobbed on the ebbing water like a slowly beating heart hid beneath. As Heikki pushed him into the house, Seb was hit by a wave of warm air. The pins and needles in his cheeks betrayed just how cold he was.  
  
Heikki took a deep breath and exhaled slowly and deliberately, his hands resting on his hips. Seb felt a shiver run through him as he watched Heikki relax his body.  
  
"Are you hungry, Sebastian?"  
  
Seb ran his eyes lazily up and down the man before him. _God, yes_. He licked his lips, and nodded. Heikki raised an eyebrow, and with a soft shake of his head, allowed a wide smile to appear on his face. His eyes sparkled.  
  
"Food, Sebastian. _Food_."  
  
"Oh." Sebastian could feel his cheeks light up as he returned the smile with a guilty grin. His stomach rumbled an answer, making them both smile again.  
  
"Sit," Heikki instructed, pointing at the dining table in the corner, as he headed for the kitchen.  
  
~ | - - | - - | ~  
  
  
The aromas from the kitchen had awoken Seb to the ravenous pit inside his stomach and he'd instantly wolfed down the soup Heikki brought. Heikki watched him with a barely perceptible hint of pride as Seb polished the bowl clean with the last of his oven pancake.  
  
"Good?" Heikki asked.  
  
"Mmmm," Seb answered, leaning back in his chair and rubbing his pleasingly-full belly. Heikki smiled and chased his soup around with his spoon. It was Seb's turn to watch; and what he saw was Heikki not really eating.  
  
"You ok?" he asked, tentatively. For a moment, Heikki didn't answer. He just continued to stir the creamy broth around in spirals. Suddenly, he let go of the spoon, letting it crash onto the edge of the bowl with a loud metallic clang.  
  
"I don't know what this is," he said quickly, almost angrily. "I like my job, Sebastian. I like the challenge, the travel, the people. I like ... I like..." He paused, grappling for the right word as his hand furiously alternated between pointing at himself and Seb. "I like..."  
  
"Me?" Seb suggested quietly, taken aback by the torrent of words from the usually taciturn Finn.  
  
Heikki sighed and looked away, working his jaw. Seb could see the bulge in his cheek as he played with his tongue. _Heikki's tongue._ Seb hated himself a little for allowing that thought to blossom in his mind and tighten his balls. Heikki's serious eyes glanced across at Seb. And then rolled upwards as Heikki's face tilted into a _'are you serious?'_ look. He pushed himself away from the table and headed for a small door adjacent to the picture window. As he opened it, he turned.  
  
"I don't know what this is," he said in exasperation, and closed the door behind him, leaving Seb alone at the table staring at Heikki's uneaten soup.  
  
~ | - - | - - | ~  
  
  
Seb sat at the table in silence for nearly an hour, fairly certain Heikki was doing the same on the other side of the wall. Eventually the quiet was broken as Seb began hearing occasional noises from behind the door. The cracking and knocking piqued his curiosity, but not enough to go investigate. Heikki would come back when he was ready, Seb reasoned - unsure if this counted as hiding. Then he heard the unmistakable crackle of flames and smiled. He knew what lay behind the pine door.  
  
Heikki slipped back into the room, chancing a half-glance at Seb as he walked into the kitchen. A pulse of warm smokey air pervaded the room in his wake. He silently poured two glasses of cold water and disappeared again. Seb smiled. _Two glasses._  
  
Moments later, Heikki stalked into the bedroom. Seb heard the shower. Almost as quickly as it started, it stopped. He waited, chewing his lip apprehensively, his eyes transfixed on the bedroom door. When it opened again, Heikki walked calmly back across the room, right across the picture window, stark naked. _And dripping_. Seb gulped, trying not to stare at the perfectly-toned frame parading past his field of view. He failed. His eyes feasted on every muscle group, marvelling at the shapes they sculpted under the moist skin, drinking in the sight as though it were his first, until something else caught his attention. A magnificent reminder of their morning, standing to attention against Heikki's stomach.  
  
Heikki paused at the door, his shoulders a little tense.  
  
"You'll need to take some clothes off," he said, swiftly closing the door without turning around.

 

 

Seb had never undressed so quickly in his life.  
  
~ | - - | - - | ~  
  
  
Despite his impatience, Seb was well enough acquainted with Finnish etiquette to go shower off. He stood under the showerhead allowing the water to run through his hair and stream down his face over his closed eyes. He hoped the rush of water would force him to steady his breathing, and it did for a few moments as he concentrated on the rivulets of water cascading over his cheekbones and running along his jawline.  
  
 _Heikki has a great jawline._  
  
His eyes snapped open at the visual, his pulse accelerating back to pre-shower levels. _Damn it_. Heikki wasn't the only one feeling conflicted about what the hell was going on. He was supposed to be in Switzerland wrapping Christmas presents, not in Heikki's cabin barely containing his libido. _God_. He felt so lost. Maybe he should put a stop to this before they crossed a line they couldn't come back from. He felt a panicky spasm in his stomach warning him that line might already be behind him.  
  
"What are you doing, Seb?" he whispered as he softly tapped his forehead against the wet tiles. He had no answer.  
  
He twisted the tap and brushed the excess water from his skin.  
  
With a white towel wrapped around his hips, he padded his way back through the house, following Heikki's footprints for the second night in a row.  
  
~ | - - | - - | ~  
  
  
He expected to see Heikki immediately behind the pine door, but instead found himself in a small dim corridor lined with chopped logs on one side and rolled towels on the other. At the other end stood a glass door, misty with steam and backlit by orange flickers. Seb followed the pleasantly smoky smell down to the partition. He carefully slid it back and stepped into the heat of the sauna.  
  
  
Heikki lay sprawled on the top bench to Seb's right, his body glistening in the warm glow of the smouldering fire. His erection had softened, but the rest of him looked anything but relaxed. When Seb made no move from the door, Heikki let his head fall to his side so he could see him. Seb nodded bashfully, hoping Heikki hadn't caught the tail end of his long gape along the length of the bench. A cocked eyebrow nudged Seb into action, carefully peeling off his towel and meticulously folding it into a cushion. He could feel Heikki's eyes following his every movement, and though he'd been undressed before him a thousand times, Seb had never felt this naked. He carefully smoothed the towel down over the pine rungs of the lowest bench and took his seat, dropping his hands in his lap in a futile attempt to preserve his modesty. Heikki smirked and went back to staring at the ceiling.  
  
Nothing broke the silence bar the cracks of the kindling slowly being consumed by the insatiable flames. Seb watched their glowing tendrils wrapping around the charred edges of a small log, drawing out its energy mercilessly as it shrivelled in the heat. Mesmerised by the transformation, he idly wondered if it felt anything. Powerless to stop itself from being consumed. Powerless to pull itself out of the fire. _Powerless_.  
  
He heard Heikki drop gently to the floor and kneel in front of him.  
  
"Sebastian?" whispered his concerned voice, wiping away the single tear creeping down Seb's cheek. Seb could feel himself swaying. "Seb?" A hand gently turned Seb's face away from the hearth until he was looking through watery eyes into two deep pools of cool blue ice. Finnish ice. _Melting ice_. Trapped tears swam over his irises as Heikki closed his eyes. He dropped his forehead against Seb's and said nothing, taking long, steady breaths as the heat enveloped them both.  
  
"This was a bad idea," Heikki said abruptly, climbing to his feet. "You're too dehydrated." He was trying to sound in control, hands back on his hips.  
  
Seb gazed up at him. _Heikki. His indomitable Heikki._ He looked so beautiful - his striking features accentuated by the dancing shadows. Suddenly, he knew he didn't _want_ to pull himself out of the fire. To hell with everything. He wanted to _burn_.  
  
"I don't know what this either," he murmured as he stood to look Heikki square in the eye, "and I don't care if it's a bad idea."  
  
He threw himself at Heikki, fiercely pulling their mouths together. "Want this," he croaked, throat dry in the heat, nipping Heikki's lip hard enough to draw blood. " _Need_ this." His hands slid over the damp skin of Heikki's shoulders and down his back, feeling every muscle beneath his fingertips, until they rested on his buttocks, forcing their hips together. He felt Heikki hesitate, as he had that morning by the lake. As he did every time they were this close.  
  
"This is getting out of control," Heikki growled, lifting his chin up, away from Seb's reach. Seb simply continued his barrage of wet kisses down Heikki's freshly-presented throat, relishing the salty taste of sweat on his tongue as he trailed little nips and bites all the way down. He swept a mischievous finger around Heikki's nipple, before dragging fingernails down his chest to grab Heikki's full cock, extracting a deep moan that spurred his pulse ever higher.  
  
Seb watched a myriad of reactions play across Heikki's face as he moved his hand over the sensitive flesh, his mind brimming with images of their morning encounter.  
  
"So be in control," he said softly as he caressed the swollen tip. Seb leant upwards, still circling rhythmically. "Be in control, Heikki," he whispered into Heikki's ear, nipping the earlobe and teasingly drawing himself back. Heikki slowly lowered his head. His intense eyes locked with Seb's. There was a hint of a warning in those blue eyes. "Be in control," Seb repeated, nodding his head; eyes widening as he watched Heikki silently accept his challenge.  
  
Heikki roughly pulled Seb's hand off his cock, brushing Seb's own - the merest contact causing him to gasp. Forcing Seb around, he pushed his arms up until Seb's hands grasped the outer rung of the recessed upper bench, his knees banging against the lower one as Heikki bent him over. Seb didn't resist. With closed eyes, he allowed Heikki free rein to position him as he liked, utterly ceding power to him and loving every second of it. Seb waited, shivering despite the heat, feeling the anticipation coiling tighter and tighter inside him.  
  
"Touch me," he whined, desperate to feel Heikki's hands on his skin.  
  
"Shhhhhh," Heikki whispered, moving a step closer to Seb's exposed behind, slipping a foot between Seb's feet, forcing his legs further apart. Seb steadied himself, pressing his lips tightly together to stifle his moans. He heard Heikki move away - the sound of scraping and then splashing on the floor. _Water? What the actual -_  
  
"Fuck!"  
  
Heikki ladled ice cold water onto the small of Seb's back. It rushed down the crack between his cheeks onto the floor, streaming onto his balls, leaving long trails down his thighs. His knees buckled but he held himself up.  
  
"You utter bas-"  
  
"Shhhhhh, Sebastian," Heikki chuckled, silencing Seb with a well-placed hand between his thighs. Seb groaned as Heikki softly played with his balls, ever so gently massaging them. As he pulled his hand back, Seb whimpered, pushing himself back to try maintain the contact.  
  
Heikki's fingers slipped up the gap, collecting droplets of water and sweat, beginning soft ministrations when they reached Seb's opening - tenderly circling, rubbing against the sensitive skin making Seb groan louder. An exploratory finger made Seb freeze. Heikki stopped, leaning around to look at his face. Seb met his eyes, and slowly shifted his ass back into Heikki's waiting hands without breaking eye contact. Heikki needed no further invitation, restarting his caresses, methodically working Seb open with a gentleness he hadn't expected. Seb clung to the bench, resting his forehead against the damp wood, as the sensations - so foreign but so, so good - rippled through every part of him. He resisted the temptation to touch himself, wanting only Heikki. _His Heikki._  
  
Heikki replaced his fingers with something thicker, hotter, making himself moan as he brushed the weeping head of his cock against Seb.  
  
"Sebastian?" he murmured. Seb couldn't breath. The thrill and the fear coursed through his veins in equal measure. He shouldn't want this, but every fibre in him urged him back, pushing himself onto Heikki, his fingers gripping the hot timber as he was prized open. Slowly, hesitantly, they melded into one as Heikki eased forward and Seb edged back. They stopped, joined. Heikki gently bent forward, pressing himself against Seb's arched back as his arms wrapped around his body. Heikki ran his hands over Seb's chest, craving every inch of contact, before drawing them slowly back to Seb's hips, where they waited.  
  
"Sebastian?"  
  
Seb stared down at his carefully folded towel, not really seeing it. Overwhelmed by the rush of contradictory emotions, his head swam as the thrum of his heartbeat echoed in his head. So wrong. So perfect. Only two thoughts had survived the initial thrust – ‘that hurt like hell’, and he didn't want it to stop. Ever.  
  
Heikki slowly began to move, sliding himself almost back out and ever-so-gently back in - a small pause as he caught his breath - and then he repeated the motion, hissing as he re-entered. Gradually, they found a rhythm, pushing in and against each other - Heikki finding the sweet spot that made Seb inhale sharply with the shock.  
  
"That. Oh god that," Seb heard himself say, panting as he pushed back, gyrating his hips. Heikki obliged, his fingers digging deeper into Seb's flesh as he moaned. Seb felt pressure building deep inside his body - so different from any other experience. The pressure swelled within him, his skin burning. He was vaguely aware of Heikki calling his name, but it seemed so distant as the waves of sensation burst through him. Every limb quivered. Pinpricks of light danced before his eyes and he felt himself exploding, blood roaring in his ears, skin so sensitive that Heikki's fingers branded his sides. _Fuck_. Wave after wave blazed through him. His knees caved, and Seb collapsed on the low bench, a hollow shell filled with nothing but aftershocks and Heikki's cum.  
  
~ | - - | - - | ~  
  
  
It was minutes before he could focus again, but eventually he stopped shaking and was able to train his eyes on the last of the embers glowing in the hearth. He felt Heikki's arms around, Heikki's chest against his back, Heikki all around him, naked in the growing dark. Seb didn't even remember Heikki moving them to the bench. _Always looking after me._ He looked up at his companion, stealing a soft kiss before curling his face into the crook of his neck. Heikki's arms tightened around him protectively as he closed his eyes, and for the first time since landing in Helsinki, Seb felt truly warm - right through to the core of his bones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ended up much longer than planned! Sorry about that. :)


	8. Chapter 8

Seb reluctantly opened his eyes and tried to focus on the familiar green blur in front of him. He pulled the duvet closer and blinked hard, trying to remember coming to bed. He had vague memories of strong arms carrying him, holding him steady as warm water soaked his skin. Strong hands slowly stroking soapy circles on his chest; the feel of soft suds scurrying down his back. A sponge gently running along his thighs as he looked down to see the eyes of his carer gazing back up as he methodically, and oh so thoroughly, cleansed Seb's skin free of the sauna sweat. It felt like a dream. Saturday night he'd been lauded in Istanbul. The days since were one long Heikki-filled blur.  
  
 _Heikki_.  
  
Seb didn't need to roll over to know he was alone in the bed. More awake now, he reached for the glass of water on the side table - another flash of them in the kitchen, _"Drink, Sebastian"_ \- and gulped it down. The water was still cold. Freshly filled. _Heikki_.  
  
Pulling on his jeans, Seb wandered into the lounge. He loved the warm floor under his feet. Between more controlled sips, he listened to the indistinct scraping sound coming from outside. It got louder as he headed into the hall to the front door. Through the small pane of thick glass, he could see a 400lb gorilla determinedly shifting snow. Seb watched for a few minutes, feeling a gnawing emptiness growing in his stomach. Heikki was digging out his car. Heikki was clearing a path for them to leave.  
  
The man himself, dressed head to toe in black, glanced up at the door and did a double-take. He stopped, resting on his shovel. Despite the thick coat, Seb could see he was breathing heavily and wondered how long he'd been out there. Seb raised a hand in a timid wave, which Heikki hesitantly acknowledged before turning back and refilling the shovel.  
  
~ | - - | - - | ~  
  
  
The snow had drifted in front of the garage where Seb had left the Volvo on Sunday night, but Heikki had successfully cleared the door and was now halfway down the driveway when Seb reached him. It felt much colder today and there was an unforgiving wind grazing his cheeks. Seb stamped his feet and wished he was wearing proper boots like Heikki.  
  
"Go inside, Sebastian." Heikki didn't turn around. He carried on relentlessly shovelling snow into the pine trees hemming the drive. Seb didn't move. He wanted to say something, anything, to stop Heikki reaching the end of his task. It was like Seb feared that when Heikki reached the road, the real world would flood in down the driveway and overwhelm their little corner of Finland. Seb wasn't ready for that. He wasn't ready to go home.  
  
Heikki paused, realising Seb still stood behind him. He reluctantly turned, pointedly stabbing the shovel into the snow bank and leaning on it as his other hand pulled the scarf from his face. He gave a Seb an expectant look.  
  
"What are you doing?" Seb couldn't bring himself to say what he felt, so mumbled the first thing that came into his head. Heikki gave a theatrical look at the shovel, down the driveway, and back at Sebastian. Seb smiled sheepishly. "Leave it." Heikki shook his head.  
  
"We need to get my car, Sebastian."  
  
"Why?" Seb could hear the whine in his own voice but didn't care. Heikki sighed.  
  
"The longer I leave it, the more it will be buried. And it has my phone in it. I need ... I need to call people. I was supposed to be in Oulu last night." His face flushed.  
  
Seb shifted his weight nervously.  
  
"You could use my phone," he mumbled sulkily.  
  
"Your phone probably won't work here, Sebastian," Heikki sighed again as he yanked out the shovel and banged the coating of snow loose onto the gravel.  
  
"Yes it does," snapped Seb. "I called Kimi -" He stopped abruptly as he saw Heikki freeze.  
  
"You. Called. Kimi." Heikki repeated slowly. He looked across at Seb, his jaw working furiously.  
  
"Just to explain why I was in Finland." Seb murmured, looking down at his increasingly-soggy trainers. Heikki's eyes widened, jaw still grinding. Heikki took a long deep breath, biting his lips together to stop himself saying something he shouldn't.  
  
"Go inside, Sebastian," he eventually managed through gritted teeth. "Just go inside." He turned and aggressively returned to clearing the snow, apparently more determined than ever.  
  
Seb watched, feeling the nervousness in his belly contorting into a ball of anger. God he hated how Heikki could make him feel like a small child sometimes. _Fuck_. He was supposed to be the one in charge. The wave of blind rage burst through him, surprising himself with its ferocity. _Bloody, bloody Finns._ So angry. He just wanted to... wanted to... he searched around, frantically looking for something to throw.  
  
 _Smack_.  
  
His aim was absolutely perfect. The snowball exploded on the back of Heikki's head, crumbling on impact, leaving a white circle on the back of Heikki's black hood. The Finn stopped.  
  
 _Thud_.  
  
"Yes!" A triumphant voice celebrated another direct hit. Exactly the same spot. Still Heikki didn't turn. _So bloody stubborn._  
  
"Fine. Don't turn around," Seb shouted, packing together more ammunition as he took a step closer.  
  
 _Thud. Thud. Thud._  
  
Seb launched another. And another. Taking a step closer each time, and getting a little angrier with each volley. As he reached the polka-dotted back of the Finn, he gave it a half-hearted shove. Still Heikki didn't move. Frustrated, Seb grabbed fistfuls of snow from Heikki's fresh pile and stormed around him.  
  
"Don't ignore me!" he hissed as he rubbed a handful of snow into Heikki's face. Heikki dropped the shovel, reflexively grabbing Seb's wrist, gripping it tightly through his thick glove. "Oh so you do feel something," Seb snapped sarcastically, trying to pull his hand away as Heikki looked at him. Seb glared back, searching for the anger in Heikki's eyes, but seeing only confusion and a little sorrow. Seb's anger drained away instantly. Suddenly he couldn't understand where it had even come from. How could he be angry with Heikki? _His Heikki_. Heikki released his wrist and immediately found Seb thrust against his chest, his arms barely able to encircle Heikki in his winter coat. Heikki bit his lip, and let his arms fall around the body glued to his, pulling him tighter.  
  
"We can't stay here forever, Sebastian," he said flatly. "Would you even want to?" It wasn't really a question, and Seb didn't try to answer. He just buried his face deeper into the fabric. Heikki softly rested a cold cheek on Seb's bowed head as an icy gust of wind ripped the flakes off his jacket.  
  
~ | - - | - - | ~  
  
  
They drove back to the rink in silence, neither of them knowing what to say. Heikki's question, rhetorical though it had been, played through Seb's mind as he drove. He knew the literal answer. Of course he didn't want to stay here. He wanted his own bed, his own house. Friends. Family. _His own car_. Although, he grudgingly admitted, the Volvo was handling the conditions pretty well.  
  
What revolved in his mind was the metaphorical 'here'. The 'here' of Heikki's arms around him, Heikki's lips hesitantly brushing his own as the impassive mask fell away. Did he want to stay 'here'? His stomach tightened. _Was it even an option?_  
  
Heikki lightly tapped his arm as the turning for the rink came into view. Seb dimly wondered if he felt the spark from the brief contact too. Heikki's face remained neutral as Seb pulled into the car park and reluctantly killed the engine.  
  
Some kind soul had cleared the main route of the car park, but Heikki's car remained buried under a couple of feet of snow. They sat staring at it, neither eager to leave the warmth of the car. Seb glanced up at the corrugated walls of the rink.  
  
"Last time I sat here," he said, "I wasn't sure if I should get out or just drive back to Helsinki." He laughed to himself. Heikki managed a weak smile as he toyed with his tongue again. "Maybe I should have." Seb looked across, trying to read what Heikki was thinking. He was staring out of the window into the distance. Suddenly he dropped his head into his hands, rubbing his forehead before running his long fingers through his hair. He banged his head back against the headrest.  
  
"I don't know what you want to hear," he said, with more than a trace of despair in his voice. After a small shake of the head, he let out a long sigh. "Where are we supposed to go from here?" His gaze fall onto Seb who was still watching him intently. Seb shrugged. "We're not even supposed to be here, Sebastian.” He sounded defeated. "You should go home. I should go home."  
  
Home. Seb could feel the real world lapping around his ankles and it filled him with dread. A week ago he'd been excited about Christmas in Heppenheim. Family. Presents. A few days of good food and no training. Now the whole idea felt hollow, laced with the absence of Heikki. _Maybe it always did_ , whispered the voice in his head. _Maybe that's why you're here._  
  
"Call the airline," Heikki said, eventually breaking the silence, "Go home. Before anyone gets hurt."  
  
Seb felt him get out of the car, the slam of the door making him flinch. He sat paralysed in the Volvo as he watched Heikki take his trusty shovel and broom over to the heap of snow a few spaces away. Unwillingly, he finally pulled out his phone and watched it light up. As Heikki began digging out his means of escape, Seb speed-dialled a familiar number.  
  
"Hey Britta, it's me," he said as a female voice answered. "Fine. I'm fine. I need you to get me a flight." He paused, half-listening to Britta chastise him and half-watching Heikki push a thick slab of snow off the car roof.  
  
"Helsinki to Zurich."  
  
Heikki cleaned off the windscreen.  
  
"Yes, Helsinki."  
  
Heikki was bending over brushing snow off the number plates.  
  
"Tonight, I guess."  
  
Heikki opened his car door and fired up the motor, the lights flickered across the car park illuminating the side of the hall. He climbed back out and looked across at Seb. He suddenly seemed so far away _. Go home - before anyone gets hurt._  
  
"Yes, tonight," Seb said firmly. "I'm done here."

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

After Britta texted his flight confirmation, they'd stumbled through their goodbyes. 'Awkward' didn't begin to cover it. Seb had promised to call when he got to the airport, and revved the Volvo out onto the main road, leaving Heikki standing alone outside the Keuruun Jäähalli in the fading light. Seb tried not to look back, but couldn't help stealing a last look at the solitary Finn in his rear view mirror. He so nearly stopped the car again, but he knew Heikki was right. They needed to just chalk this up as a lost weekend - a moment of madness - and get on with their lives before it screwed everything up. Had he really expected a happy ending? Skipping hand-in-hand around the paddock? He snorted at himself. He wasn't even sure what a happy ending would look like. No, Heikki was right. _Heikki was right_. He kept repeating the mantra all the way down route 58. 

 

~ | - - | - - | ~

 

 

After nearly two hours, he needed a break. The snow had returned in thick flurries and the traffic had become sticky. He checked his watch. He had plenty of time. 

He'd driven straight through Tampere on Sunday. This afternoon, it seemed a sensible place to stop, and today was all about being _sensible_. Even in the dull light, the city looked picturesque with its fresh coating of snow and street lamps glowing amidst the haze of falling flakes. The top of the observation tower was hidden from sight, shrouded in thick grey cloud. Seb gave up trying to see it and left the car, wrapping his scarf tightly against the icy wind. He headed for a small cafe with what should be a river view but the windows were misted from top to bottom. The steamy glass forced flashes of memory. _Sauna. Heikki. Hands_. He pushed them away as he pushed open the heavy door and headed for a window seat in the corner. A silver-haired lady took his order, beaming at him in that kind way people do when you butcher their language but they're grateful you tried. It made him think of his old trainer, Tommi, who'd tried to teach him Finnish. Seb had always suspected it was for his own amusement. If only Tommi had stayed, he pondered, absent-mindedly wiping the glass with his coat sleeve. No Heikki. No problem. His world would be just fine. 

His phone buzzed, making itself skip across the table and rattle against his mug. Britta had been calling every fifteen minutes since he left Keuruu. She wasn't stupid. She knew something was going on. But it wasn't Britta calling now. 

"Have you stopped hiding?"

_Kimi_.

 

Seb contemplated arguing that he never had been, but any protests would be wasted on Kimi. 

 

"Yes." He paused as he stirred his watery hot chocolate. "And no," he added, a little sulkily. 

 

Kimi cursed under his breath. Seb's Finnish vocabulary was limited but he knew enough swear words to work out what he'd just been called. It was a fair assessment. 

 

"You still in Jyväskylä?" Kimi asked lazily. 

 

"You tell me."

 

Kimi sighed. "That would involve moving." Seb couldn't help but smile at his sloth of a friend. How Kimi stayed fit was genuinely one of life's great mysteries. 

 

"I've stopped in Tampere. I'll be flying home in a couple of hours." He hesitated. "Want to come over and get me drunk?"

 

"Not if you're in Switzerland..." Kimi's voice trailed off. Seb grinned. Kimi was possibly the most infuriating person he'd ever met, but he knew right away that his friend had come back to Finland. For him. Just in case he was needed. Not that he would ever admit it. 

 

"Britta will kill me if I miss another flight."

 

"Yeah, yeah. See you in a couple of hours." And Kimi was gone. 

 

Seb drained his cup, licking chocolate syrup off his teeth. "Kiitos," he said to the waitress, pointing at the euros under the saucer and headed back to his car, texting another apology to Britta on the way. 

 

~ | - - | - - | ~

 

 

"Nice!" Kimi said, staring past Seb to the Volvo he'd just parked in the underground lot.   

 

"Leave her alone," Seb said defensively, deliberately bumping Kimi's shoulder with his bag as he walked past. Kimi sighed. 

 

"You've had _her_ , what, four days?" He gave a well-practiced roll of his eyes. "Oh god, Seb. You've named _her_ , haven't you?" Kimi's voice was monotone, but his eyes danced with amusement. 

 

"No," Seb lied and directed Kimi's attention to the security pad for the lift door, ignoring the wide smirk spreading across the Finn’s face as he punched in the access code.

  

~ | - - | - - | ~

 

 

Seb leaned over the corner of the balcony. The clouds had cleared leaving a beautifully bejewelled sky glistening above the dark sea. To his right, the city of Helsinki shimmered below. Seb swished the dregs of ice around his glass. He'd already drunk too much to feel the cold, but he still held out his arm when Kimi arrived with a new bottle. Kimi tipped fresh ice from his own glass into Seb's and topped it up with kossu from the bottle in his other hand. He casually dropped the bottle onto the glass table behind them, grinning at the sharp clang. 

 

"So," he said, still grinning. "Sauna."

 

Seb's cheeks, already flushed from too much liquor, burned brightly. Kimi’s smirk returned, wider than ever. He dipped his glass towards his friend's. Seb chinked them together and took a large swig before looking away, trying to suppress a guilty smile.  

 

"Finally," Kimi laughed. "I was starting to think you were the most boring bastard in the paddock."

 

Seb threw him a glare, but there was no anger in it. 

 

"So that's it? You fucked him and now you go home?" Kimi seemed genuinely surprised. After an hour of sketching out events since Istanbul, they'd finally got to the question Seb had no answer for. 

 

_Go home. Before anyone gets hurt._

 

Kimi had quietly listened, letting Seb gloss over the juicier points and lose himself in tiny details. He'd patiently watched Seb's fingers dance in the air, reliving small sensations branded into his memory; lips wetted; eyes closing to sharpen images sending bittersweet shivers down his spine. Fragments of visceral, utterly private moments spilled into the night air in bursts of wild animation and stony stillness. Heikki's eyes. Heikki's hands. The recurring motifs lingering behind every half-finished sentence as Seb tried to make sense, mostly to himself.  

 

"Fuck. I've had too much of this stuff," Seb muttered, emptying the contents of the glass, ice and all, over the balcony. 

 

"You know how much that costs here?" Kimi chided him as Seb tossed the glass on the table. Kimi shrugged to himself and joined him at the balustrade, dangling his drink nonchalantly over the edge. They shared the silence, watching the lights of the Tallinn ferry fade from view. Kimi eventually stirred. 

 

"The girlfriend is gone, yes?"

 

"Well not gone, but..." Kimi gave him a pointed look. "Yes," he conceded. 

 

"And Mr Hockey-puck-to-the-head, girlfriend gone, yes?" Seb nodded. 

 

"About the same time actually..." Seb mumbled. He scrunched his eyes, concentrating, like there was a point there but he was too fuzzy-brained to see it. "Fucking kossu," he muttered. 

 

"So you like each other." Seb nodded slowly. 

 

"You have a perfect cover for spending time together. If you want one." Seb nodded again. He liked Kimi's train of thought. 

 

"You like him fucking you." Seb's head snapped up to see Kimi's inquisitive eyes. He took a deep breath and nodded begrudgingly. _God, yes._

 

Kimi sighed melodramatically and leaned back. Refilling Seb's glass from his own, he looked him up and down slowly. "Well then, my useless young friend," he held the glass out for Seb by his fingertips. "What the fuck are you doing here wasting my viina?"

 

Seb reluctantly took the glass and stared at the ice bobbing in the vodka. The cubes sparkled with the refracted lights of the street below, bringing to mind the ice around the lake, flickering with flecks of emerald green as the sky danced for them. As Heikki had kissed him. _Heikki._ A flood of memories surged through him. Blue eyes. Cold hands. Snow in his hair, melting down his neck to meet Heikki's soft tongue, his back pushed against the old pine. Strong fingers digging into his hips, making his head swim. Skin brushing skin, moist in the sauna heat. Hotels. Airports. Pit lanes. Public hugs and private smiles. Always Heikki. Always there. _Heikki. Heikki. Heikki._

 

The Heikki he'd abandoned in a car park in Keuruu. _Go home before anyone gets hurt. Too late._

 

He took a huge gulp of kossu, choking as it seared its way down his throat. Kimi raised his eyebrows, tilting his head like he was studying a lab rat. 

 

"You ok?"

 

Seb nodded, blinking wildly with streaming eyes. He slammed down the glass. 

 

"Fuck it. How far is it to Oulu?"

 

~ | - - | - - | ~

 

 

"There are things called planes, you know." Kimi was watching Seb clean the windscreen, arms loosely folded across his chest. "And helicopters. And trains. And phones." His voice drifted away as he idly surveyed the concrete walls. 

 

It wasn't much past 6am and Kimi couldn't quite believe he was conscious, let alone trying to decide if he should be stopping Seb driving north where the wild things are. And Seb was being far more energetic than was decent at this hour. 

 

"His phone is off. Anyway I prefer to drive," Seb said as he vigorously took a damp cloth to the Volvo's headlights.

 

"All that way? In Vera?"

 

"Vikki," Seb corrected him, tensing a little as he caught his mistake. Kimi stepped forward and smacked him lightly around the back of the head. 

 

"He named the fucking rental," he said to no one. 

 

Seb stood up and took a step back to survey his handiwork. He didn't know if Kimi should be stopping him either. He turned to give Kimi a hug, but stopped when Kimi arched a sceptical eyebrow. 

 

"Get in the fucking car."

 

He smiled. Kimi was a good friend, in spite of his determination to pretend otherwise. He got in, fidgeting to get comfortable, and opened the window. 

 

"Sure?" Kimi drawled, leaning in. Seb shrugged. "It's a long way."

 

"Yeah, I know." 

 

"You have a plan?" Kimi asked, already knowing the answer before Seb threw him a rueful look. Kimi stepped back, shaking his head, but still smiling. Seb waved and started to pull off. 

 

"Hey!" Kimi shouted. Seb tapped the brakes. "We get crazier the further north you go. Be careful up there." Seb nodded and eased Vikki out into the dark. 

 

He had six hours to think of what to say.  

 

~ | - - | - - | ~

 

  

_Six hours further north._

 

Anna-Marie played with her neckerchief and tapped her wedge of boarding cards on the edge of her desk. She looked at the clock and back at the blonde guy with the bruise. The one still chewing his tongue, staring wide-eyed at the plane through the window. She knew he was the one they were waiting for. She knew he was the one checked through to Switzerland. He was holding onto his case like his life depended on it, his blue eyes occasionally flicking from the window to his ticket and back. She'd seen this before, the crippling indecision, but this one ... board or bolt … she honestly had no idea which way he was going to go. 

 

‘Well’, she thought, ‘he's cute, but he's got two minutes and I'm closing the gate.’ She leant over the desk and pressed the button. 

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is the final boarding call..."

 

The blonde guy took a deep breath and stood up. 

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

He was just passed Kärsämäki when the weather turned.  
  
For most of his journey north, the road had been practically straight and practically empty. Its long clean lines cleaved the landscape in two, a precise incision between the pines. He'd made good time, the Volvo eating up the miles in near silence. Until Kärsämäki. Gentle flurries had chased him all the way from Helsinki. Now their lazy swirls became more intense, whistling around the car. A sudden gust burst through a break in the firs, punching the Volvo out of its lane and sending it scurrying across the road. The rear stepped out, all four tyres groaning as the winter studs furiously scrabbled for grip. Seb worked the wheel, catching the slide and riding the pulsing ABS until the car straightened back parallel to the line of trees. He exhaled a long deliberate breath, and gingerly eased back across into lane. He stroked the steering wheel apologetically.  
  
"Sorry, Vikki," he murmured, "I'm paying attention now."  
  
Instinct had caught the slide. His mind had been elsewhere, running fingers through blonde locks. Swimming in lost sensations of teeth nipping bruised lips. A tongue edging its way down his neck. Tender breaths whispering over his clavicle as stubble grazed his skin.  
  
The rear tyres twitched, dragging Seb's attention back to the road. The veil of powdery flakes had been usurped by a wall of thick white clumps. They rushed at the car in a vortex, creating flickering ghosts from the pinewood sentries guarding the highway's edge. Seb cursed. He was so close. So close and still no idea what to do when he got to Oulu. Every time he tried to play a scenario through, he lost himself in those penetrating blue eyes. It didn't matter how it started. It ended with Seb utterly mesmerised by the finest washboard abs he'd ever seen. Hands gliding over hard muscle. Losing himself in the scent, the taste of him, as he buried his face into the wiry loops of hair at the base of Heikki's stomach...  
  
Seb reflexively clenched the wheel as another gust whipped against the car. He was prepared this time, correcting the skittish tyres with ease. He shook his head, trying to push the memories of Heikki aside, at least for a little while.  
  
Seb squinted at the few feet of road he could make out. There was something ahead. Fleeting lights in the distance. As he rolled closer, the flashes became sweeps of blue and the outline of a car parked across the icy highway emerged through the curtain of white. _Poliisi_. Two officers clad in dark blue waved their torches, pointing Seb off the main road. As he slowed to a crawl, one of the men jogged over. Seb lowered the window a fraction, stopping as soon as the wind stung his eyes.  
  
"The road is closed," shouted the officer in Finnish. "You need to go around." Seb nodded, glancing across to the barely visible junction the officer was gesturing towards.  
  
"A few accidents today," he bellowed, the wind trying to steal his voice. He waved Seb away with a reassuring double-tap on the roof, and turned to flag down another car approaching behind them.  
  
Seb eased into gear, feeling the car squirming on the settling snow. He was so close to Oulu that his nerves were beginning to twist his stomach, tensing his shoulders. He clutched the wheel even tighter.  
  
"Just a little further," he murmured soothingly as the tyres scoured the icy road.  
  
~ | - - | - - | ~  
  
  
'A few accidents' turned out to be typical Finnish understatement. Road after road was blocked, forcing Seb further from his original route. The conditions were exhausting, even for some one with his skills. He needed to stop while he could still make out traces of the pines skirting the road but he knew he shouldn't stop at the side of the road in the middle of nowhere. That would be a worse idea than trying to drive to Oulu in the first place.  
  
The car tiptoed along grasping for the last semblance of grip beneath it. The sign, when he saw it, was barely a metre away and caked in ice crystals.  
  
 _Oulun Lentoasema._  
  
He smiled and breathed a sigh of relief. That would do.  
  
~ | - - | - - | ~  
  
  
Seb couldn't recall the last time he'd been so relieved to switch off a road car. He let his head fall back and closed his eyes. As he slowly peeled his fingers away from the wheel, he added 'heated parking spaces' to his list of favourite things about Finland. He allowed himself a few minutes to relax, letting the silence engulf him. He pulled on his beanie and grabbed his scarf, winding it carefully around his neck and face. It was going to be a short but windswept walk to the terminal.  
  
~ | - - | - - | ~  
  
  
The airport's glass facade glowed with welcoming warm light through the blizzard. He pushed his way through the doors, stamping the snow off his trainers, and scanned the interior. He need something hot and calming. The building teemed with people aimlessly milling around. A quick glance at the departure board told him the unsurprising tale. Delayed passengers formed resigned huddles, balancing paper coffee cups on their luggage, while maintaining a respectable Finnish distance from strangers. It made him smile.  
  
As his eyes swept between the coffee bars and Christmas trees, they fell onto a solitary figure staring purposefully at the departure board. Seb's insides contorted into a tight knot. His mouth went dry.  
  
 _It can't be._  
  
The back was as unmistakable as if it still had a name emblazoned across its shoulders. _Heikki. Fuck._  
  
Seb simply stared, acutely aware of the desire kindling inside him. The desire to rush across the concourse and wrap his arms around Heikki, drawing him close enough to claim a longed-for kiss, making their tongues writhe together as they had by the lake.  
  
Seb licked his lips, but his feet wouldn't move. He realised he was sweating profusely, still enveloped in his scarf. Shallow breaths. Shaking hands. _This is absurd_. He forced himself into action, each leaden footfall an act of pure will. Step by step, he edged towards Heikki, feeling like time had stopped. The distance between them seemed incalculable.  
  
Just as he found himself within reach, as Seb's finger tips stretched out to brush Heikki's jacket, a suitcase slammed into his calf, sending him sprawling across the floor into an ungraceful heap. Right at Heikki's feet.  
  
Seb could hear the profuse apologies being directed his way, but the sounds were muffled like his head was underwater. His brain couldn't process the words. It was overloaded by the searing look in those blue eyes. Heikki had promptly offered a hand to aid the man on the floor, but it had been sub-consciously withdrawn as the recognition hit. Slowly, deliberately, Heikki stretched out his arm, wrapping his long fingers around Seb's upper arm and dragging him back to his feet. He didn't loosen his grip as fingers from his other hand hooked around the wool, pulling the scarf from Seb's face.  
  
"Hi," said Seb meekly. Heikki's mouth opened and then closed again. He glanced up at the departure board with a furrowed brow and back at Sebastian. He suddenly released Seb's arm and made to say something, but still no words came. He looked utterly nonplussed.  
  
Damn. It was adorable.  
  
~ | - - | - - | ~  
  
  
Heikki stirred his coffee. Again. He still hadn't spoken, but at least he'd mutely followed Seb over to the cafe. He was now perched on the edge of his chair, watching the bubbles swirl around his cup. His eyes kept flicking suspicious glances across at Seb, as though expecting him not to be there.  
  
"You're not imagining things," Seb said between mouthfuls of his sandwich.  
  
Heikki looked poised to finally speak, but again he just shook his head and returned to stirring his coffee. The plastic teaspoon looked comically small in his big hand.  
  
Seb polished off the rest of his food and leaned back, watching the bored couple playing with their phones at the next table.  
  
"So," he started, dragging Heikki's attention from the tabletop, "where were you going?" He pointed at the case next to Heikki's left thigh. As Heikki glared down at the suitcase, Seb watched the tip of his tongue nervously run around his lips before settling in the corner. Its tip peeked out of his mouth, inadvertently pointing in Seb's direction teasingly. It was making Seb want to lean over the table and bite it.  
  
"Home." Heikki sighed and let his weight drop against the back of the chair. "I was going home."  
  
"I thought you were home," Seb replied.  
  
"I haven't called Oulu home for a long time, Sebastian."  
  
 _Sebastian_. There. That was it, right there. Seb felt a shiver run down his spine as his own name rolled off Heikki's tongue. It was the way he said it, with such casual precision. It was like no one else. It had been barely a day, but he'd missed its caress. The sound resonating in his ears as that familiar feeling of security curled around him. _Se - ba - sss - tee - an._  
  
"Sebastian?"  
  
Heikki's expectant eyes were studying him. He raised his eyebrows questioningly.  
  
"Where were _you_ going?"  
  
 _Oh._ It was Seb's turn to imitate a goldfish, trying to find the right words. Heikki laughed ruefully, half-heartedly pointing at him before dropping his hand back into his lap. _Yeah. That_. They both looked away, embarrassed with themselves, but when Seb sneaked a look back, he saw Heikki's smile had reached his eyes.  
  
~ | - - | - - | ~  
  
  
"No."  
  
"But it has a four-poster bed!" Seb waved the picture on his phone at Heikki, relishing the look of disdain being thrown back at him. "Look, there are tassels and everything!" Heikki folded his arms and turned his face away.  
  
It had become self-evident that the only way out of Oulu Airport today was going to be the Volvo. They'd given up their table in the cafe and adjourned to a relatively quiet spot on the floor. Heikki had carefully sat just out of arms reach, his back propped against the wall and his legs stretched out.  
  
"So that's a no?" Heikki ignored him. Seb tapped back on his search. "And your sure you don't want to go back-"  
  
"For the last time, I'm not taking a client-"  
  
"But I'd like to meet them." Heikki turned, staring at Seb incredulously. He shook his head, and turned away, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands.  
  
"Client," Seb grumbled quietly, swiping through a few more pages. "That just leaves the Radisson," he said, starting to dial. His first few words of Finnish were apparently more than Heikki could bare. He leaned across and commandeered the phone, lifting a hip to pull his wallet from his back pocket.  
  
~ | - - | - - | ~  
  
  
"Does the rally come up here? The rally should come up here." Seb grinned widely at his passenger as the car skittered across the ice. Heikki's hands pressed against the glove box, bracing himself.  
  
"We should have waited," he muttered from behind gritted teeth.  
  
"It would be more fun in the dark," Seb conceded with a laugh, knowing that's not what Heikki had meant.  
  
Heikki snorted and closed his eyes. This was going to be a long twenty minutes.  
  
~ | - - | - - | ~  
  
  
Seb tentatively tapped at the door adjoining their rooms and waited.  
  
They'd checked into the suite an hour ago, and Seb had finished showering and investigating the room. He'd read the room service menu and the bumpf on the coffee table ('Things to do in Oulu'), but hadn't heard so much as a whisper from Heikki's room.  
  
He knocked again, not really knowing what he was going to say when the door opened. _If the door opened_. Heikki had been trying to get back to Switzerland - where he thought Seb was. That had to mean something. Seb dropped his forehead against the door.  
  
"Heikki."  
  
No response.  
  
He started dragging his nails down the door. "Heeeeeikkiiiii." He distinctly heard movement. "Heeeeeei-!" The lock clicked and Heikki swung the door open. Seb - mid door-scratch - fell through the gap. His face firmly planted itself onto Heikki's damp stomach.  
  
He couldn't resist. Seb's hands sneaked around Heikki's waist as he increased the contact, drawing long deep breaths as he pulled his face closer. Heikki's scent filled his nostrils, flooding his senses with a hunger for more. More skin. More contact. _More Heikki_. He ran his tongue around Heikki's belly, craving every inch of him as powerful fingers wrapped around his hair, hauling his head back.  
  
He whimpered, pulling himself back closer, accepting the pain in his scalp as hairs strained against their roots. Heikki let go with an exasperated cry. The release catapulted Seb back against firm muscles, as his hands impatiently yanked at the soft white towel impeding his progress.  
  
"Sebastian." _Yes, say my name. Say it_. The towel dropped around Heikki's feet as Seb let his hands slide around and take their fill of that fine hockey butt. _God_. The fabric of his own clothes felt like sandpaper, scraping against his back, as skin against skin sent pulses of electricity through his body, hyper-sensitising every single nerve. Echoing his fantasies from the drive north, his lips trailed down Heikki's quivering abs, revelling in the sparks of pleasure firing as each ab tensed with a soft, wet kiss. So responsive. So satisfying. He licked the fresh beads of moisture gracing Heikki's skin as his tongue headed south, hearing his own hums of appreciation. His knees were buckling under him and he didn't care. He felt like he was falling.  
  
Only he wasn't falling. Quite the opposite. Hands on his shoulders raised him up. Seb reflexively moaned in disappointment until the same hands swept around him, pulling him into Heikki's chest before closing around Seb's ass and lifting him clean off the ground. Seb's mouth ran open-mouthed kisses along the base of Heikki's neck as he was carried the few feet to the bed, eliciting a sharp moan from his companion.  
  
Seb felt his calves bang against the metal railing of the footboard. Heikki tried to release him, but Seb wouldn't let go. He wrapped his hands around Heikki's head, digging the heels of hands into the hair line and raking fingers through the longer strands. Seb could feel the resistance as he urged their faces together, and he felt it snap as he claimed Heikki's warm mouth.  
  
The kiss was brutal. Seb had never felt such a sense of desperation coursing through him. He wanted Heikki to just _take him_ \- all of him - until there was nothing left. He tried to pull himself closer, but hated the feel of his shirt between them. It didn't matter. Heikki was taking care of it, his fingernails tortuously grazing Seb's spine as he dragged it up his back. Pulling the T-shirt over Seb's hair, Heikki took a step back, his whole frame rising and falling with each heavy breath.  
  
"What are we doing?" he asked. Seb wasn't sure if he was talking to him or himself.  
  
Heikki wrapped his elegant fingers around his hips, carelessly dragging Seb's eyes down to his groin. Seb licked his lips and greedily stared at the swollen cock waiting there. His eyes flicked up to meet Heikki's. He held those eyes while he unfastened his belt, watching them flare as he unpopped the button of his jeans. Heikki's treacherous tongue swirled around his lips as he watched Seb achingly slowly draw down the zip, utterly transfixed. It made Seb feel powerful - _wanted_ \- that he could do this to him. That he _wanted_ to do this to him. The effect of Heikki's chastened lust was intoxicating, made all the more sweet by his nakedness.  
  
Seb's jeans dropped to the floor, quickly followed by his briefs, leaving him standing totally exposed. He wanted Heikki to move, to touch him, but he just stared. The tension was unbearable, making him hyper-aware of everything. The ticking of his watch on the table. The distant hum of activity in the building around them. Heikki's breathing. Heikki's tongue still sliding around his parted lips. The sharp hitch in Heikki's breath as he watched Seb's fingers slide over his aching balls and run the full length of his shaft. The stifled groan as his fingers brushed over the tip. Was that him or Heikki? He honestly didn't know. He just needed to release the pressure, gripping himself tightly and letting his thumb make maddening slick circles over the head.  
  
The strangled growl was definitely Heikki. Seb couldn't remember him moving. He couldn't remember how he got close enough to lift Seb's hand away and replace it with his own. Close enough to slide his throbbing cock against Seb's and bind them together with a wonderfully big hand. Heikki made long, measured strokes as Seb's hands grabbed onto the bedstead for support, his head rolling back on his shoulders, letting each thrust feed the rising pressure inside.  
  
"Don't stop. Don't ever stop." Seb murmured as Heikki grunted, his left hand grasping at Seb's neck for balance. Heikki's rhythm became savage, whipping his hand over them like he was meeting out punishment. The wave of ecstasy ripped through Seb's body, blinding his eyes and making his legs cave underneath him. Heikki held him tightly, throwing himself onto Seb's mouth, trying to muffle their moans as they came, shuddering against each other as they stained their stomachs. Heikki cradled Seb's face in his hands, accidentally smearing their cum over his cheeks as he kissed him hard, his tongue searching deeper and deeper, utterly overwhelming Seb's barely recovered senses. It was too much and yet nowhere near enough. Seb could feel his own wanton desires reflected back in the fiery assault. _More. More. More_.  
  
Suddenly Heikki broke away. He glared at his own hands for their betrayal. He cursed himself and turned towards the open door to his room, picking up the towel.  
  
"Damn it, Sebastian," he said, his back turned. A hand braced on the door. "You make it so hard to leave you."


	11. Chapter 11

It was barely evening but it had been dark for hours. Seb glared into the blackness as Heikki closed the door without looking back. The muffled creak of the wood taking his weight told Seb he hadn't gone far. A couple of yards of carpet and an inch of wood panelling was all that separated them. It felt like miles.  
  
Seb wrapped his fingers around the metal bed frame, trying to stop them trembling. It didn't work. Just as pressing his lips together and biting the swollen skin curled over his teeth wouldn’t quiet his quivering jaw, nor closing his eyelids prevent his lashes syphoning beads from the tears swimming behind them. His skin puckered in the cold, painfully aware of the absence of Heikki's hands.  
His own hands squeezed the decorative metal leaves, forcing their blunted edges into his palms, deeper and deeper. Trying to make it hurt as the numbness began spiralling through him. Moments earlier he'd clung to the same ironwork as Heikki ruined him with a swift hand and urgent kisses. Now it offered him no relief. No distraction from a quietly crueler form of destruction.  
  
Seb knew this feeling welling through his stomach. It was the dread of engine stutter; the punch of fibre glass against tyre; the sharp kick as the rear stepped out. The unmistakable harbingers of a race gone awry. Suddenly an unwilling passenger, not the captain of his own ship. As the trepidation burned through the numbness, Seb realised the depth of it. He wrapped his arms around himself, but it was a pale imitation of the bear hug that usually righted his ship.  
  
A glance in the window revealed the mess he was. Three days of stubble and jeans around his ankles. A guy hugging his own chest, arms high around his ribs to avoid the sticky smears across his belly.  
  
"You look like shit," he murmured to his reflection.  
  
The door creaked as Heikki shifted his weight. Seb could picture him slumped against the back of it, probably on the floor, legs stretched out across his own sea of blue. His jaw working a double-shift as he anguished over another moment of weakness.  
 _Damn him_.  
  
Seb heeled off his trainers and stepped out of his jeans. He wanted a shower, but he needed something else. He made to knock on the door, but stopped, a hooked knuckle hovering an inch from the panel as he took a slow deliberate breath. Licking his dry lips, he racked his brain for the right words. Words that wouldn't make him sound as pathetic and needy as he felt. His mind skipped faster and faster, thoughts sliding through in a blur, leaving nothing but the same simplistic - _rejected_ \- request.  
  
A rustle of movement punctuated the silence. Heikki gently opened the door, giving him a cautiously curious look. Seb took a deep breath, and bit his trembling lip.  
  
"I need a hug."  
  
Heikki opened the door wider and reached out an arm. It wrapped around Seb's shoulders as he crashed into Heikki's body. Seb pushed his face into the sanctuary of Heikki's neck, scrunching his eyes closed as two strong arms enveloped him. Heikki's cheek brushed his hair, trailed by gentle kisses, whispering soothing Finnish words into his ear as he pulled him tighter. Seb didn't even wonder what they meant. He just drank in the warmth, letting it sink through his skin and fill his soul with the unmistakable feeling of being home.  
  
~ | - - | - - | ~

  
  
Seb lifted his head as he felt Heikki move. Instinctively, he pulled his arm tighter across Heikki's stomach, holding him back, eliciting a soft laugh from the Finn. He peeled Seb's hand away just as Seb registered a knock on the door. Its tempo told him it wasn't the first. Reluctantly, Seb released his companion, and rolled over to watch him walk naked through the arch and out of view. He listened to the door opening and snippets of muffled conversation. The clink of cutlery against ceramic. He smiled and glanced over at the clock. 10pm.  
  
Heikki reappeared, leaning lazily against the archway, arms crossed, wearing nothing but a small smirk. Seb allowed his eyes to drift over the taut muscles in those arms, tracing the veins up to the curve of Heikki's neck where he'd rested his head and slept the last few hours. The line of purple bruises across his collarbone made Seb blush, and if he was honest, a little proud. Heikki was watching him with an odd look in his eyes. It reminded Seb of the night at the rink.  
  
Heikki tipped his head, nodding back towards the other room, and disappeared. Seb swung his legs over the bed, and heaved himself up, immediately falling back as he lost his footing. It felt like he'd stood on marbles. He leaned over and saw the collection of small bottles on the floor. Empty bottles. He picked one up and rolled it around in his fingers. The small white label read '013'. _Kossu_. He leaned over and tried to count how many there were. _Fuck_. Heikki must have emptied the entire mini bar. Possibly both of them.  
  
Shaking his head, Seb carefully picked his way around the bed and into the other room. The suite's lounge area housed two long sofas forming an L by a window overlooking dark water. Heikki sat with his back to the view, a long spoon in one hand and a large tub in the other. He looked from the tub to Seb and back, and pointed with his spoon at the tray on the table by the other sofa.  
  
"I ordered you real food," he smiled before gouging a huge mound of ice cream onto the spoon and devouring it greedily. He licked the length of silver suggestively and grinned at Seb, who just stared back in fascination. He'd seen Heikki drunk many times. Drunk enough to sing depressing Finnish folk songs with Kimi. So drunk that he'd pulled his mechanics onto the dance floor and danced like he might break something. Heikki sitting naked on a sofa pigging on ice cream was a new one. In any other situation, he would have revelled in it.  
  
Seb sat down and carefully placed the empty kossu bottle on the table. Heikki grinned widely and reached under the table.  
  
"More!" he beamed triumphantly, banging the big bottle next to its baby brother. Seb gave him a concerned look, but Heikki just grinned and went back to his ice cream. Seb shook his head and slide the covered tray over.  
  
~ | - - | - - | ~

  
Heikki was clearly a man on a mission. And that mission was half a litre of Kingis ice cream. Seb had watched him with increasing amusement as he'd shovelled mouthful after mouthful, only pausing to take a swig from the bottle. The liquor he offered to Seb, but not the ice cream. Now he was meticulously running a long finger around the empty tub, scraping off every last drop and sucking it off with a pleasing smack. He scanned the inside one last time and, finally resigning himself to it being empty, tossed it onto the table. He looked at Seb with a languorous lopsided grin.  
  
"Better?" Seb ventured tentatively. Heikki nodded, rubbing his belly and taking another slug of vodka. He nimbly held the bottle by its neck, offering the bottom to Seb. When Seb reached for it, he playfully pulled it out of reach, patting his hand on the sofa by his thigh. Seb begrudgingly moved seat and teased the bottle from Heikki's hands. Heikki watched him take a lazy swig, his gaze dropping to Seb's throat as he swallowed. Seb felt his skin getting hot, suddenly aware of his own nakedness, as Heikki stretched out a finger to trace a line from his chin down over his Adam's apple, finally resting his palm at the base of his neck. Heikki watched his own hand as he spread out his fingers, running small circles over Seb's chest, carefully avoiding his nipples.  
  
"This feels like my skin," he mumbled, still focused on his own fingers. "I know it so well." His thumb began kneading its own arcs, pressing more firmly with a well-practised rhythm, making Seb's skin tingle. "I don't know what I'll do when I can't touch it anymore."  
  
He suddenly yanked away his hand and relieved Seb of the bottle, taking another angry slug. His thumb continued its circling, rimming the top of the bottle in a mesmerising loop. "I gave up hockey for you," he murmured. His eyes finally flicked up to meet Seb's. "You were worth it." He looked away, staring intently at nothing. "You were worth it." Heikki lifted the bottle back to his lips, but paused as Seb wrapped a hand over his and lowered it back to his lap. Seb wanted to tell him he was still worth it - _they were worth it_ \- but he couldn’t find the words. When he tried, Heikki slowly placed a finger over Seb's lips and shook his head. Though he said nothing, Seb could read the message in his pleading eyes.  
  
 _Enough. Don't make this harder than it already is._  
  
Seb slipped his fingers between Heikki's, interlocking their hands, feeling Heikki squeeze so tightly he feared for the glass.  
  
He inched closer, draping his free arm around Heikki’s back and dropping his head onto his shoulder. They sat there for nearly an hour just listening to each other breath, Seb retreating into his own thoughts. Thoughts of how his stupid curiosity had brought him to Finland. He'd wanted to know where the road less travelled led. Finally, he accepted, it led to goodbye.  
  
~ | - - | - - | ~

  
When he fell asleep, Heikki was too heavy for Seb to move without waking him. He settled for sneaking the kossu from his hand and covering him with the duvet from his room, allowing himself a smile at the memory it triggered. The smile faded as he realised that had been his last chance. He should've left then, not followed Heikki down to the lake. Now Heikki wouldn't be following him anywhere.  
  
He stood in the archway, watching Heikki sleep, the dusting of blonde stubble barely visible in the half-light of the bedroom lamp. His eyes traced every contour of his face, burning them into a memory he intended to take to his grave. Then he snapped off the light and crawled into bed with his regrets.  
  
~ | - - | - - | ~

  
"Sebastian."  
  
The mattress dipped and a warm hand rested on his arm. It gave him a gentle shake.  
  
"Sebastian, wake up."  
  
Through blurry eyes, Seb saw Heikki sitting on the edge of the bed. He blinked hard. A washed, shaved and dressed Heikki was gazing at him with his subtle smile.  
  
"Get up. I want to show you something. Somewhere. Before you leave."  
  
Seb hitched up onto his elbows.  
  
"It's still dark," he said.  
  
"Yes. It is." Heikki smiled knowingly, rising to his feet. "Get up. And dress warmly. It's a long walk."  
  
~ | - - | - - | ~

  
  
After a quick but desperately-needed shower, they headed out into the night. Except, as Seb quickly realised, it wasn't night, it was just dark. People milled about their daily business, walking purposefully in the chilled air and sweeping past them on bicycles. The library's lights burned brightly as they passed and headed over a long bridge. Seb stopped to marvel at the large sheets of ice floating under them, his curiosity making Heikki smile.  
  
"Come," he said, heading further across. Seb leaned far over the railing to steal a last glance before following.  
  
It took them nearly an hour to reach Heikki's destination, but it was a pleasant way to spend it. They walked in step, closer than they should, sometimes along the water's edge, other times between lines of frosted trees, Heikki pointing out old haunts as they went. A slight mist clung to the street lights creating a magical glow as the softened light bounced off the snow at their feet.  
  
Down a small path, they emerged onto a wide sweep of snow field and beyond it, open water stretched out to the horizon where it bled into a sliver of gold sky. Seb's eyes scanned the view, suddenly aware of how much lighter it was now. The inky sky had relented into a deep blue, easily illuminating his surroundings. When he saw the lifeguard tower on its stilts, he realised he was standing on a beach. A snow-covered beach. _Cool._  
  
Heikki was watching him. He'd been preternaturally calm all morning, and stubbornly hangover-free. As their eyes met, he smiled and slowly turned to look to their right. Seb followed suit, tracing the curve of the tide line to the snow-buried causeway heading out into the water. Heikki dropped his head, his cheeks flushing a little, before turning to walk along the beach.  
  
~ | - - | - - | ~

  
  
Heikki bounded up the concrete steps of the watch tower, only looking back for Seb when he reached the top. Above them, the graffitied roof had seen better days, but the wooden guard rails around the square viewing platform looked safe and well-used.  
  
It was a great view. Behind them, Oulu was silhouetted against an ever-brightening pink sky heralding the tardy sunrise. Out front, the wide expanse of sea shimmered as its floating carpet of ice sheets reflected the subtle pastels above. Piles of broken ice ran across the beach creating a glasslike dry-stone wall along the high water line. It too refracted the pinks and golds. It was raw beauty, of the kind only nature can create.  
  
"I wish I could bring you here in winter." Heikki was leaning against one of the wooden posts supporting the pyramid roof. Seb, still freezing in his hat and long scarf, raised a sceptical eyebrow as he brushed some 'winter' off the ledge so he could lean over. Heikki's eyes crinkled as he smiled.  
  
"In winter, when it's so cold the sea freezes, we used to drive out onto the bay. Daring each other. See how far we had the balls to go out. This," his hand swept out along horizon, "is one big snowfield. The tower looks lost, miles from open water." He paused as he drank in the myriad of colours, framed by the wood, rendering an impressionist painting from the seascape. "Maybe this is better," he murmured.  
  
"When I move back," he hesitated, briefly chewing his tongue. "When I move back, I'll go back to Jyväskylä. Or maybe Helsinki." Seb didn't turn. He didn't want to see the sadness he knew was in Heikki's eyes. "But this place. I was made here." He laughed at himself, running a hand along the rail. "Not literally here."  
  
He looked up at the defaced glass in the roof, the peeling paint around the joists, as the smile faded. "I was here when Tommi called."  
  
Seb tensed as he caught the hitch in Heikki's voice. Heikki closed the distance between them, settling next to Seb resting against the railing. "I was right here when he asked if I wanted a _challenge_."  
  
"Some challenge," he whispered, running the back of a gloved finger over Seb's cheek, a wistful look in his eyes.  
  
 _Those eyes_. Seb always found their intensity totally arresting. Whether quietly urging him through one last rep at the gym or plying him with unequivocal belief at the track, those eyes had never doubted him, even when they had doubted themselves. Right now Seb knew he'd give his whole world to see them light up. To see them smile again.  
  
They leaned against the rail, side by side, desperately aware of each other's every movement, staring out over the aurified sea as the sun finally broke over the horizon. The only sounds came from the ice sheets gently buffeting against each other as they lazily drifted in the bay.  
  
After a long while, Heikki pushed himself upright, drawing in a deep breath.  
  
"We should probably head back."  
  
Seb nodded slowly and begrudgingly followed the Finn back down the steps.

~ | - - | - - | ~

  
  
Heikki had walked halfway back along the causeway before he realised Seb wasn't behind him. When he turned, Seb was nowhere in sight. With a low growl, Heikki started back along the path.  
  
"Sebastian?"  
  
No response. No signs of movement.  
  
"Sebastian?" Heikki picked up his pace, eyes widening as his scan moved from the quay to the icy water.  
  
A head popped out of the side of the tower bearing a playful grin. Heikki swore at him under his breath.  
  
"Look what I found," Seb said with impish delight as he disappeared back into the shelter. Heikki leaned on the concrete entrance, watching Seb carefully clamber across the heap of litter and abandoned junk piled in the corner. He was reaching for something past the empty beer bottles. Heikki found himself leaning forward, twisting his head trying to see. Seb jumped backwards and spun around, proudly flourishing his discovery like a broadsword.  
  
Heikki laughed in spite of himself as Seb held out his hands to present him with a battered old hockey stick. He bowed his head and sunk to one knee.  
  
"My liege," he said, lifting the stick higher. His reward was a cocked eyebrow and a gentle shake of the head.  
  
"Come," Heikki replied, forcing himself to look away from his prostrated friend. "You'd be surprised how quickly it gets dark again." He turned on his heels and took a few steps when the blade of the hockey stick looped around his thigh. Its holder gave it a sharp tug. Heikki pushed the blade away.  
  
"Sebastian." He spoke like he was addressing a small child. The blade slipped under his arm and around his waist. Another playful tug.

"Fine." Heikki clutched the blade in both hands and yanked. It didn't come easily. Sebastian held on for dear life, sliding along the icy flag stones as his trainers lost purchase. He couldn't see the mischievous smile slowly breaking across Heikki's face. Heikki firmed his grip, giving a little tug to ensure Seb stubbornly tightened his, and strode off, dragging Seb behind as he cried out in surprise. The cry turned to a giggle and back to a cry as he tripped. When Heikki turned, Seb was sprawled on his ass, giggling.  
  
"Is this how you play hockey?" Seb smirked, brushing the snow off his jeans.  
  
"Holding your opponent's stick is against the rules, Sebastian," Heikki replied evenly, closing his eyes he realised what he'd said. Seb stared at the ground, trying his damnedest to suppress a dirty-minded grin. The moment faded into an awkward silence. Heikki tapped the stick on the ground, before offering the handle back to Seb and pulling him up. He released it, leaving Seb to swing it nervously. Heikki looked down the causeway.  
  
"Wait? There are _rules_?"  
  
Heikki smiled. They both knew Seb was stalling.  
  
"Rules." Seb absent-mindedly swung the stick in an upward arc, catching it in his other hand with a dull smack. They stared at each other. "Always rules," Seb repeated, resentment creeping into his tone.  
  
"High sticks," Heikki said to himself, tracing the arc in the air with his finger. Seb stopped swinging, his eyes flicking from the stick to the Finn. He suddenly pushed Heikki in the chest with its handle. Not hard, just enough so he'd feel it through the padding. Heikki threw him a well-practised look of disapproval.  
  
"Lapsi," he murmured, frowning.  
  
Seb dug the stick in again, taking a step back.  
  
"Is this against the rules?" He grinned. "Is it?" _Dig._ "Is it?" _Dig._ With each push he took a step back and Heikki a step forward, his hand spiralling out to try catch the handle. Seb's eyes glistened more with each prod. He was annoying the hell out of Heikki and loving every second. He took another step and stumbled as his heels hit the concrete of the tower. Heikki pounced, swiping the hockey stick from Seb's hand and pushing it across his chest. He leaned in, a hand braced on each end of the wood, as he pinned Seb to the wall.  
  
"Yes, Sebastian," he growled, his lips mere inches from Seb's. "Spearing is against the rules." Seb's mind went blank. He curled his hands around the hockey stick, his fingers brushing Heikki's as he fixated on his mouth. Finally tearing his vision upwards, he found Heikki staring at his own, his eyes flooded with temptation. And something stronger. _Lust._  
  
Heikki's pressure was firm but not heavy, yet Seb was struggling to breathe. He watched Heikki run his tongue around his lips, feeling their bodies rise together with each ragged breath.  
  
"So what's this?" Seb whispered, running his eyes along the stick and back to Heikki's dark eyes. He looked momentarily confused.  
  
"Cross-checking," he replied thickly.  
  
"Cross-checking," Seb murmured as Heikki tipped his head, running his mouth up along Seb's jawline without ever touching the skin. His lips grazed Seb's stubble, making Seb push himself forward into Heikki's unyielding frame. The proximity was driving him wild.  
  
"A penalty. You should," Seb gasped from breath, "you should get a penalty." Heikki slowly nodded, pupils dilated, hands rocking around the handle. There was a second of confusion as Seb pushed Heikki away, but he caught on quickly, casting aside the stick and throwing them back against the wall. Heikki clawed Seb's scarf away and crashed his lips into his neck, sucking aggressively. Seb reeled against him, bucking his hips up, trying to find the delicious friction his body so desperately craved. Heikki's hot mouth inched along the collar of Seb's jacket, teeth scraping against cold skin as Seb moaned into his ear. His head was spinning. _God. Too much._ Heikki was barking for god's sake. _Barking._  
  
He cried out as Heikki suddenly broke away from the embrace and looked down. A black labrador stared up at them with quizzical brown eyes. Seb could hear its owner calling him back.  
  
Heikki was staring at the ground, eyes wide with panic. He forced a deep breath, and turned away, striding down the quay. Seb watched as Heikki exchanged a curt nod with the dog walker, and continued walking away from him. _Fuck it._  
  
He skidded past the stranger and grabbed Heikki's arm, spinning him around  
  
"Call a taxi," he said defiantly. " _I want my fucking penalty_."

**Author's Note:**

> This only happened in my head. ;)  
> No disrespect intended.  
> This is an exercise in trying to start writing regularly again and is the first thing I've written in ages, so please forgive the lack of polish. Just having a bit of fun & thought I'd share it.


End file.
